


Permission Required

by iheartredink



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Depression, Dom/sub, Dubious Consent, Gentle Dom Castiel, Heavy Angst, Hurt Dean Winchester, I think that should be a tag..., I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Not between Cas and Dean though, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Psychological Torture, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Build, Sub Dean Winchester, That is an important tag
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-05-12 20:08:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 37,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5679058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iheartredink/pseuds/iheartredink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean left town five years ago, and recently returned. After being in an abusive relationship, Dean struggles with day to day life. With the help of Dom Castiel, can Dean overcome his past issues that are a result of the abusive relationship he left behind and be the sub that Cas has been searching for (Dom/sub AU).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N BEFORE THE REST OF THE A/N: I started this fic on another site before I got my very own cherished account here on AO3. I love writing this fic; it is my first true fic. Please take the trigger warnings seriously and let me know if there are any tags you think I should add. I don't know how else to stress to take the warnings seriously.
> 
> Disclaimer: I think it goes without saying, but just to be on the safe side...I do not own anything Supernatural related (characters, plot, impala, etc.). I just really love Destiel Fanfiction, and decided to write one of my own. So I will say it again; As much as it pains me to say it, I do not own anything Supernatural related. Alas, the tropes that I love are not even originally mine.
> 
> Trigger Warning: Please note that the issues and therapy discussed in this fanfiction are completely fabricated from my own mind. I am just doing what I think sounds good...so please do not take anything here as the gospel when it comes to therapy. Abuse is not something to be taken lightly, and I empathize with anyone that has been, or is currently in, an abusive relationship. Just thought I would say that this fic could have some triggery stuff in it. So you have been warned.
> 
> A/N: There will be some angst, some explicit content eventually, and it will have a happy ending. I just like a side of angst with my happy ending. I also like to know that there will be a happy ending when I am reading a fic. Feedback is always welcome. Oh, and I just have to give kudos to all the authors out there. Writing is difficult, and I just hope that as the story continues, my writing continues to improve. :)

Chapter 1: Coming Home

Dean was on his side and faced the window and door from the motel room he currently occupied. He checked in around 3 pm, and now it was after 6 pm. He was hungry, but every stinking time he moved to actually walk out of the motel room his stomach lurched threatening to spill whatever leftover contents he still had from his earlier lunch. The burger and fries from the diner next to the bus station was pretty much gone, so Dean knew if he got sick it would probably just be bile. He studied the little dust particles that floated through the air visible from the beam of late afternoon sunshine that came through the dingy looking window. He sighed heavily as he rolled over to his back and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. He threw his hands down to his sides and growled in frustration. The chances of anyone recognizing him if he went to the little diner beside the motel were slim, but there was still a chance. Coming back to Lawrence after five years was hard, and he was a completely different person now. Not for the better either.

He wasn't sure how he was going to contact Sam. He left after his dad, John, passed away when a truck driver crashed into the side of his car. Dean wasn't old enough at the time to have guardianship of Sam, and he overheard his Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen talking in the kitchen of the house he lived in with his dad and brother about how difficult it would be to take in both of them. That was all Dean had needed to hear. He went up to his room, packed a bag, snuck out of the window, and left. He left a note saying he was leaving so that Sam could stay with Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen without them having to worry about how to provide for Dean too. It was difficult, especially since Dean had presented as a sub at 16. Subs were too needy, and Dean hated being needy. He still does. At 22, Dean was able to hide his Sub status on his way back to Lawrence, but he knows it is only a matter of time before someone figures it out. Being a Sub was difficult to disguise. Dean wore oversized clothing, made a conscience effort to walk with his head high even with the hat pulled down low, and did not talk to anyone that wasn't a necessity. Now that he was back in Lawrence, he was hoping he could talk to Uncle Bobby about being his legal guardian since Dean was now old enough to live on his own. Subs couldn't live on their own until they reached the age 21. Usually because by the time they reach 21, they have found a Dom. Unfortunately for Dean, a Dom had found him about a week after he left Lawrence. Dean shivered as he thought about how controlling and possessive Michael was, which was the reason Dean had waited until Michael had left for his weekly card game to pack his backpack with what little belongings he could take, and he nervously dipped into Michael's money stash because Dean didn't have any money of his own. Dean was sure that Michael was pissed when he returned home to find Dean gone. He was probably even more pissed when he discovered he had five grand missing.

Of course, Dean was never registered as Michael's sub. In fact, Michael knew that Dean was hiding from his past, so the idea of helping by hiding Dean appealed to Michael. Dean never left Michael's house unless it was to visit someone that was actually in Michael's gang since they all knew Dean's existence. Dean took care of Michael, and Michael's house, but Dean started getting restless when he turned 21. He was at the age that he could live on his own as long as he had a legal guardian to see that he was taken care of until he found a Dom. Dean knew that Michael wasn't the Dom for him. He wasn't even sure if he could sub for another Dom now after everything he had endured with Michael, but he was going to focus on reconnecting with his family first then worry about a Dom later. He just hoped that his family would be happy to see him after this length of time. If they weren't happy that Dean was back and willing to be his guardian, then he would be appointed a Dom by the state. That just didn't appeal to Dean at all. As bad as Michael was, having a stranger be his Dom was something that Dean wasn't sure he could handle.

Who was he kidding? Dean couldn't even walk out the door to go get food. How he was even able to make it back to Lawrence was a mystery. It was like all the will and determination he possessed left him as soon as he walked into the safety of this motel room. Now, the motel room was like his prison. He knew he needed to go ahead and make the call to Uncle Bobby. He assumed that their numbers were the same, it was just that he felt panicked every time he tried to call. What if they reported him to Social Services because he had ran away and they didn't want to bother with him? Dean sat up on the edge of the bed and ran his hands through hair. He had to do something because he knew if he didn't he would drop, and he absolutely hated that he was that damn needy. The resentment that he felt for being a damn sub when everyone just knew he would be a Dom whirled around in his mind. If only he had been a Dom, then his dad wouldn't have been embarrassed to have a sub for a son, Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen would have been able to care for him until he was 18, which was the legal age for a Dom to live on their own. He could have taken care of Sam if he had been a Dom.

Dean looked at the phone on the bedside table. He knew he needed to do something or suffer through a drop alone, which could have devastating consequences. After taking a deep breath, he picked up the phone and dialed Uncle Bobby's number. When he heard Aunt Ellen's voice through the phone Dean started sobbing with both relief that he heard a voice he missed so much and wasn't sure he would ever hear again, and with regret because he was so sorry that he was such a screw up. He managed to say a tentative "Aunt Ellen?" Ellen replied back with surprise evident in her voice, "Oh my God, Dean Winchester! Boy, what...where...oh my...Bobby! Sam! Dean what is wrong? Where are you and we will come get you."

Dean had trouble gathering himself together to respond, much less answer all her questions. He only responded with the name of the motel and the room number before he hung up the phone and curled up in a ball on the bed. He knew they would be there soon, and his fate was in their hands.

xxxxx

Sam sat in the doctor's office waiting to talk with Missouri. She was the counselor that Sam had scheduled for Dean to meet with after they found him in the motel room curled up in the fetal position crying and in a serious drop. They immediately rushed him to the local ER to have him checked out. They gave him a clean bill of health and sent Dr. Missouri in to talk to Sam since he was Dean's legal guardian. Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen were appointed as Dean's guardian after John's death, but once Sam turned 18 guardianship was transferred to him since he was the closest Dom family member. Sam presented as a Dom at the age of 16, but Dean had been long gone by that time. He really didn't understand why Dean left like he did, but he knew that now that Dean was back that things were rough for him during those missing years. Missouri walked into the room and closed the door gently behind her. Sam stood to greet her and once the formalities were out of the way, Missouri got down to business.

"Sam, I have a few questions before I make my recommendation for how to proceed forward with Dean. As his legal guardian, I will need to divulge some of the information gathered from Dean with you; however, I will not share everything. I need Dean to trust me. He needs to trust that he can tell me things without worry that it will be repeated. Do you understand?"

Sam agreed by nodding his head. As curious as he was about the time Dean had been missing, he wasn't sure he wanted to know everything Dean had been through. "I do understand, and it will not be an issue, ma'am."

Missouri smiled warmly at Sam. "Good. Also know that my recommendations are in the best interests of Dean. My patient is my concern." Sam nodded again and simply agreed as he said, "as it should be. I want that too."

"Now, Sam, what are your plans in the near future? I understand you are going to college."

"Yes, ma'am. I was accepted to Stanford. I know that is a long way from Lawrence, though." Sam was apprehensive about leaving Dean to go off to college, but he also had worked so hard to get the full ride scholarship. He wanted to be near Dean, and as his legal guardian it was his duty to take care of Dean until he found a Dom. Dean had expressed the desire to live alone, but so far Sam has told him no. It was difficult to tell his big brother no, but Dean just nodded and said that he understood. Sam also didn't like the idea of him living alone since Dean was having nightmares at night and seemed to have anxiety about being around people and leaving Uncle Bobby's house. He was hoping that Missouri would have a solution for everything. "I had thought about transferring guardianship over to my Uncle Bobby, but he has been having some back issues lately and him and my Aunt were hoping to spend some time traveling now that my cousin Jo is able to run The Roadhouse now." Jo was Aunt Ellen's daughter from her previous Dom, but Uncle Bobby raised her as his own. Jo and her Dom, Benny, were taking over The Roadhouse Bar and Grill so her parents could retire and travel.

"Sam, I know you want to do what is best for Dean so what I am about to suggest may seem a little extreme to you. I want you to hear me out before you object." Once Sam nodded his assent, Missouri continued. "Dean needs a Dom, not just a guardian; however, Dean hates the thought of having a stranger appointed to him to be his Dom. He has not been in a healthy relationship for the last five years, Sam. I recommend him go through a behavior modification program that will slowly ease him toward where he needs to be in order to be self sufficient and on his own. I have had success with this program in the past with abused sub's, and it is my belief that Dean will benefit from the program."

Sam frowned. He wasn't sure..."Behavior modification? I am not sure if I like the sound of that? I don't want to change who he is, just...he needs to be able to make decisions on his own so he can live alone."

Missouri obviously understood Sam's trepidation. "Let me explain a little how this works using Dean's behavior as an example. One of the problems that Dean has is making decisions on his own. Based on my sessions with Dean during the last month, Dean has not been allowed to make decisions on his own for a long time. He was allowed to freely use the bathroom when needed, but Sam you may not be aware of how severe the situation was. Dean had a strict daily schedule that his Dom made him follow religiously or he was severely punished." She paused when Sam inhaled deeply in surprise, then she continued. "Sam, he was on a strict diet and exercise regimen; honey, he wasn't allowed out of the house at all or allowed contact with other people unless he was in the presence of his Dom. He wasn't allowed to work, because his work was keeping to his strict schedule and keeping his Dom happy. Honestly, how Dean was able to escape from that after being indoctrinated into that type of Dom/sub relationship is really remarkable, but it also explains why he dropped so hard once he made it to Lawrence. He was having to make all his decisions on his own and it was like an overload to his state of mind. As hard as this is to hear, Dean needs stability that comes in the form of a strict schedule and rules that he can follow." Sam was about to protest that he didn't want to do that to Dean when Missouri held up her hand stopping his protest. "Sam, he can't get settled because he has too much free time and too many choices. He is unable to handle all of that freedom right now. The goal with this program is to help Dean get where he needs to be by easing him into gradually making choices for himself. That takes time. If you are leaving for school, then it is not a program that you can help him with so you will need to temporarily appoint a Dom as his guardian for this purpose. Before you ask, it has to be someone I recommend. I already have someone in mind."

Sam cleared his throat before saying, "Are you absolutely sure this is necessary? Dean was already afraid that we were going to turn him over to the state and that he would have a court appointed stranger for a Dom. This sounds like almost the same thing."

"I guess it could be seen that way, which is why I recommend that the Dom that will be helping Dean during his therapy start meeting with him at the same time every day until you leave for school in an effort to build trust and friendship. This Dom will probably assign tasks for Dean to accomplish every day and will give you daily updates as needed. A week before you leave for school, we will transfer temporary guardianship over to the Dom and you can help Dean during that transition before you leave. It will be important that Dean knows you are not abandoning him or disappointed in him so we will discuss this process with Dean once we have finished. If you agree." Missouri was looking at Sam expectantly. Sam knew he had no choice but to do what Missouri suggested, but he did have another question.

"You said you have a Dom in mind for this. What sort of Dom is he or she?"

"The Dom is male, which I decided was best for Dean since the Dom he was in the relationship with was male. He has helped me with a few other abused sub's, but this will be the first time that he will actually be appointed his own sub to help full-time. He is five years older than Dean and is very mild mannered and gentle, but he knows when to be stern. He will probably not mind me telling you that he does this because he enjoys helping people. He is just a rare Dom that has not recognized his own mate yet. He is completely professional and will not take advantage of Dean sexually. Hopefully, the behavior modification with Dean will naturally roll over into his sexual relationship when he chooses to have one. I promise that Castiel, that is the Dom's name, will be a great match for Dean during this time. We will evaluate Dean's progress every month until he reaches his goals."

Sam sighs as he tried to process everything that Missouri just told him. He trusted Missouri, and if she trusted this Dom, then Sam trusted that Missouri knew what was best for Dean. Sam just prayed that Dean understood. Sam nodded as Missouri suggested that it was time to bring Dean in and update him on the directed course of action.

xxxxx

Dean sat alone in the small office that the doctor used for her sessions as he waited for Sam and Dr. Missouri to discuss his fate. He tried to keep from panicking about it. He knew that if Sam didn't want the responsibility of being his guardian then the doctor would probably turn him over to the state. Then he would be at the mercy of the state, and whatever Dom they appointed as his guardian. Many of those court appointed Dom's had several sub's, and Dean had heard horror stories about abuse.

He needed to go to the restroom, but when Dr. Missouri left the room she had told him to stay in the room until she returned for him. That had been a while ago, and he was getting anxious about what the doctor was telling Sam. He felt embarrassment and shame that his baby brother was his guardian. He knew it wasn't unheard of, but it was still embarrassing that just because he was a sub he had to have a legal guardian. Even if that legal guardian was barely 18. It hurt that Sam forbid him from living alone. He knew that he needed help with going out in public. Damn, he needed help with a lot of things, but he was hoping that he could just work on everything alone in the comfort of his own place. Sam wasn't having it though. He acted like Dean was a child. Dean wasn't a child, he just needed to get used to making decisions for himself. He wasn't sure why it was so difficult to do things without permission, but every time he tried he froze in terror that he would do the wrong thing. Punishment was a big deterrent. So far, Sam hasn't punished him for anything even though Dean knew he needed it. He was punished almost daily with Michael because he wasn't a good sub.

Dean was really worked up by the time Dr. Missouri opened the door and said they were ready for him. She noticed that he was anxious and assured him that everything was OK. Dean politely asked if he could visit the restroom before going into her office and felt immediate relief when she smiled warmly at him and said he could. Dean hurried in the restroom so that Sam and the doctor wouldn't have to wait long.

As Dean walked into the office and met Sam's gaze, he felt like he was going to throw up. His stomach was in knots. Sam pointed to the chair next to him. As Dean sat down, Sam reached over and placed his hand on the back of Dean's neck instantly grounding Dean. Sam kept his hand on Dean's neck as Dr. Missouri explained her plan for him. He was grateful for Sam's calming presence because Dean was sure that he would have dropped with all the swirling cesspool of emotions that he was feeling as he realized that he was going to be appointed a guardian after all. His greatest fear was going to be reality. Dean clung to the hope that once he reached his goals that would ensure he could care for himself that Sam would resume guardianship and Dean could finally live on his own. He just had to be a good sub for his new Dom, Castiel. Sam assured Dean that he wasn't abandoning him. Sam just couldn't be the guardian that Dean needed, but Castiel would be. After everything had been discussed, Dr. Missouri said that she would contact Castiel immediately. The sooner they could get started, the better.

Dean was sitting in the Impala watching the scenery go by worrying his bottom lip nervously about meeting his new Dom tomorrow. He sensed when Sam glanced his way, but Sam stayed silent. What was there to say, really? Sam had a life to continue. It wasn't fair to expect Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen to put their plans on hold to babysit Dean. The only logical step that made sense was to appoint a guardian to watch Dean. For the first time since leaving Michael, Dean really considered whether he made the right decision coming home.

Sam parked the Impala at Uncle Bobby's and turned to Dean. "Dean, I understand this is difficult for you, but everything really will be OK. I am not agreeing to this therapy for you because I don't want to be your guardian. I am agreeing to it because I know that I can not be what you need right now, Dean. I am proud of you, that you have overcome whatever happened during your time gone to make it back to us. Do you understand?"

Dean just looked at Sam and nodded. He didn't understand why it had to be this way, but he knew that any argument he made against it would be heard. This was just another example of how he wasn't competent enough to make his own decisions.

XXXXX

A/N

So, this is my first fic. I love reading Destiel (I have read a lot). As much as I love case fics, I don't feel as though I could do a case fic justice at the moment. I decided to take the tropes I love and create a story that I hope is an enjoyment to read. The next chapter will feature Castiel as we learn a little about him. Any reviews and comments are appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I chose to leave my origninal A/N. I hope that doesn't confuse anyone. :)

A/N: Thanks to everyone that commented, fave, or follow! I really appreciate every single one. Thanks for taking the time to read this fic. I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to update. I promise that I have been working on it. I started a new job and had a viral thing running through my house for a while so everything was hectic for a couple of weeks. I just had to rewrite this chapter a couple of times because I wasn't happy with it. I am still not satisfied with it, but I wanted to post it so I could move on with the next chapter.

Please note that trigger warnings still apply for this story.

Enjoy...

Chapter 2 From Dreams

Castiel swiped end call on his phone after speaking with his friend Missouri. He sighed heavily and ran both hands through his perpetually messy hair. He worked on a farm and was doing pretty well with his garden and beekeeping. He was a regular at the farmer's market in town and his honey could be found in the local mom and pop stores in town as well. He lived in a modest farm house that was in constant need of some kind of repair. The house was a little overly warm in the summer and a little drafty in the winter, but all in all Castiel loved the place. When he first came to Lawrence, he isolated himself to the farm as he engrossed himself in the how to's of gardening and beekeeping. He loved his farm so much that he was gradually adding to it. He recently purchased some hen's for his very own free-range chicken eggs. He has no desire to actually eat the birds, though. Just watching the hen's cluck around his farm made him very happy. His brother didn't understand his obsession with watching his hen's cluck around, and encouraged him to get out more after he told Castiel that he was going to become the town hermit, and that people were already talking about the strange nice looking man that raised bees. Gabriel was worried that Castiel was going to become a horder with hundreds of cats. So far he only had two cats that were typical barn cats so he wasn't sure why Gabriel was so worried, but he did as his brother suggested.

He often helped the local churches and other organizations with disaster relief since they did live in tornado country. He has offered shelter to families that were in need after their homes burned, flooded, or suffered storm damage. He was known in the community as well for helping with fundraisers: anything from cancer awareness to child hunger to the Let's-Make-This-Community-Beautiful-So-Let's-Pick-Up-Garbage projects. It wasn't long after Castiel's outreach to the community before Missouri approached him about helping out abused subs. She told him that she often had patients that needed a safe place for a few days until she could successfully secure their guardianship transfers from their abusive Doms. It took a while for him to agree, and when he did he assumed it wouldn't be very often that he would have to provide a safe house for the occasional abused sub. It wasn't long before he figured out that abuse apparently happened a lot more often than he was aware of, and it really made him question the world these days.

He walked out onto his back porch and surveyed his back yard. Over the last couple of years, quite a few subs had lived on his farm. They often enjoyed working with Castiel on the farm and learning about gardening and beekeeping. A couple had tried to have a relationship with him, but he always turned them down. Castiel just didn't do casual relationships, and certainly not one with a sub coming out of an abusive situation. He's had a couple of long-term relationships that didn't last, but they both ended on good terms. They just didn't have that spark, and he really wanted to find that sub that was his perfect match. Of course, statistically less than half of the population found their perfect match and that was steadily declining. Missouri assures him that a sub would "spark" his interest someday.

He thought back to the dream he had a while back. It wasn't uncommon for Doms and subs to have dreams about their perfect match, soul mate, true mate, whatever people wanted to call it these days. When Castiel dreamed of a vague male figure with a strong body with green eyes and dark golden blond/brown hair, he awoke feeling like he finally had something to look forward to in the future. So far, he hasn't found the right sub that fit his dream. He hasn't given up hope though. He also imagined his perfect match to have freckles, but he can't remember for the life of him if that was a part of his dream vision or just his own wishful thinking.

He realized he needed to get to Missouri's office for his meeting with Missouri and the patient's brother, Sam. Missouri said they lived with the family that owned The Roadhouse Bar and Grill and Singer Auto and Body Shop in town. He has been to The Roadhouse a couple of times with his brother and was impressed with the food and rustic atmosphere. He couldn't place the owners, but he figured that over time he would meet everyone that Sam and his brother considered as family through Dean. He was still apprehensive about the situation, but based on what Missouri told him the sub needed help. So Castiel was going to do what he could to help Missouri get her patient overcome the abuse he suffered so that he can hopefully find a Dom that will be good to him and live a happy life.

xxxxx

Castiel was sent to Missouri's office by her receptionist and told that the others would join him shortly. He was in there for about five minutes when the door opened and Missouri walked in with a young man that Castiel assumed was Sam Winchester. Introductions were made and as the three hammered out the details regarding the patient's therapy and guardianship, Castiel learned that Sam was very protective over his brother, Dean. Missouri asked if they had any questions regarding the process or if they had any questions for each other. Sam spoke up after clearing his throat. "Well, I think that Dean feels that I am abandoning him. I guess in a way, I am. I just don't...I don't really know how else to help him since it is obvious that he doesn't want me knowing anything that happened to him while he was away. I wish he would talk to me, but he always just says that there are just some things a brother shouldn't know. I can tell he is afraid that I will make him talk about it since I am his guardian, but Missouri explained to me that it is important that Dean opens up when he is ready. I know you will be giving reports to Missouri quite often, and I just would like to make sure that I am included in the loop." Sam looked at them both expectantly.

Castiel glanced over at Missouri before answering when she nodded his way. "Missouri, please correct me if I am wrong in what I am about to say. Sam, I will update you on as much as I possibly can, but I will be honest with you. If we all want Dean to open up to me about his abuse so that he can heal as we move forward with his therapy, then he has to be able to trust that what he tells me will stay with me. Of course, Missouri will need to be up to date about it since she is his therapist. I will make sure that Dean understands that Missouri has to be aware of his progress every step of the way. As for you, Sam, I will tell you what I can but I won't tell you something that I know Dean is uncomfortable with you knowing. I hope you understand. When the time comes that you resume guardianship or he has a Dom, then I am sure that some things will have to be discussed. Until then, I will update you on his progress as much as possible."

Sam frowned slightly, but nodded in agreement. "I understand. I know you are right. It is just that he is my brother, and he has been through so much. I just want to help him."

"I think it will help Dean out more if he can count on you as his brother...without having to worry about the fact that you are his guardian. You will simply be his brother. That will be a good thing, Sam." Missouri smiled encouragingly toward Sam before turning toward Castiel. "Castiel, you can even encourage Dean to talk to his brother as often as possible. I believe that will be good for them both to have that brotherly bond there and re-established. Since we really don't know what all has happened to Dean over the last few years, then I think it is important that we acknowledge that some of it had to be traumatizing for him. Honestly, some of the things that I have heard over the years during my practice is enough to keep you awake at night wondering how people can be so cruel. Sam, I think that respecting Dean's wishes by not divulging details to Sam, or anyone else for that matter, will do a long way toward gaining Dean's trust and having him feel like he has some control over his life again."

Castiel and Sam both agreed. "I know you are right. I am thankful to have my brother back, but...it isn't the same. He isn't the same. I appreciate everything you are doing Missouri. Thank you, Castiel, for doing this as well. To take on the responsibility of a stranger, well, I just can't imagine how difficult that must be."

"Sam, you know it really isn't all that uncommon to have Doms foster so to speak. It happens more often than I would like for a sub to have to be a ward of the state and have a state appointed Dom as a guardian. I am thankful that I have Doms like Castiel that are willing and able to do it so that subs aren't put into the system. This really is the best solution...if we don't at least attempt to do this then I will probably have to recommend sending Dean to the Sunnydale Institution. I know Dean will not want to go there. Probably the only thing he would like quite honestly is the pudding." Missouri chuckled before continuing. "I really believe this will work for him but it will take time. Now, let's discuss a little about Dean's behavior prior to his time away versus now." They discussed Dean's behavior prior to presenting and how it was a shock when he presented as a sub. Everyone just knew that he was going to be a Dom, and apparently Dean struggled with accepting that he wasn't by choosing to ignore it at first. Of course, people wouldn't let him ignore it. Everyone treated Dean differently after he presented and Sam said that their own father treated Dean differently as well. There apparently had been some discussion about sending Dean to a sub disciplinary training school before his dad passed away from the accident. Sam was saddened by how that independence and strong-willed behavior was almost non-existent in Dean at the moment. Castiel's heart ached for the young boy that was so sure of himself that when he presented as a sub he was made to suppress who he was because it didn't measure up with what society said a "good sub" should act. Sam agreed and said that was precisely why he wanted to change things by fighting for sub rights.

The three made plans to meet in the office the next day with Dean present for the meeting so that he could meet Castiel for the first time. They all walked out together and engaged in a some basic small talk before getting in their vehicles and driving away. Castiel drove home in silence as he went over the meeting. For Dean to go from a Dom-like personality to having anxiety over making decisions, being afraid of the dark, claustrophobic episodes, and nightmares, he had to have suffered a great deal of conditioning and abuse. What exactly does a sub suffer through to make that big of a difference in their personality in just five years? Castiel was a little wary of finding out the answer...

xxxxx

He opened his eyes and panicked at first because he actually wondered if he was blind. It was so dark that he actually began to doubt himself...he really began to believe he was blind. He reached out with his hands slowly and felt some kind of padding. After feeling all around him, he realized it was completely padded...whatever it was. The silence was deafening and he knew that he wasn't deaf because he could hear his own heavy panicked breathing. He couldn't lay straight or stand up. The best he could tell so far was that the...box? was about four by four all the way around. He couldn't see, he couldn't hear anything outside of the box, and he could feel the tears of fear and frustration begin to slide down his cheeks as he realized that he was completely naked. He thought back to the last thing he could remember, and froze. Oh God! Michael had asked him to...

Dean shook his head as more tears leaked from his eyes unwillingly. He had been with Michael for a year. Done everything Michael had wanted in order to remain under the radar until he was able to live on his own. He took care of Michael's house. He cleaned, cooked, and did all the laundry. So far, Michael had been good to him. There had been a few spankings over the year, but once Dean figured out exactly what Michael expected the spankings tapered off. He had no clue that Michael was setting things up for a more sinister purpose for him, and for the first time Dean felt as though he had made a deal with the devil. When Michael had said that he had something different in mind for the evening. Something new. Dean was apprehensive, but figured it couldn't be too bad because so far Michael had been good to him. When Michael explained what he wanted from Dean, his mind rebelled against the idea. He had told Michael he couldn't do it. That it was asking too much. Michael just shook his head in what appeared to be sympathy and told Dean that his body was his to use as he saw fit. His body was Michael's, a vessel for him to use. If he refused he would be punished severely for it. Dean still just shook his head and said that he didn't think he could do that. Michael looked over Dean's shoulder and nodded. The needle went in before Dean even had time to really wonder what Michael's friend, Alistair, was even doing there. The next thing he remembered was waking up in the box. 

Dean sat for a while thinking about the situation and tried not to panic. He wasn't sure how long he had been in there, but it felt like forever. He realized that Michael could leave him in the box to die and no one would never know. He was going to die in this box and never see his brother again. Tears began to fall as he panicked over how he was going to get out of the box, and then Dean started wondering about the air in the box. Would he run out? What if he ran out? He didn't want to die. He began to pound the sides of his prison, screaming for Michael. "Michael, please! Please let me out! I will...I will be good. I will be so good. I will even do what...Oh God. I will even do whatever you want me to do. Please don't let me die in here. I will do what you want. Please! I am sorry!" Dean was sobbing now, "I am sorry, Michael. Please...just give me a chance to try to be good."

Michael's voice broke through Dean's sobs through what sounded like a speaker. "Dean. I know you are sorry." He sounded like he was talking to a distraught child. "Hush now. I know you want to be good, and I will give you another chance. So you will do what I asked now?"

"I promise, I will be good and I will do whatever you want. Please just let me out of here. Please." Dean sobbed and begged Michael to please let him out and knew that later he would hate himself, but anything would be better than dying in this box...he sobbed as he thought about what he was going to have to do and realized that he would probably have to keep doing it...

xxxxx

Dean woke up suddenly in his bed gasping for air and tears streaming down his face. He dreamed about that first time quite often. He hated The Pit. That was what Michael had called the box that he would place Dean in to reduce him to a pathetic and weak mess willing to do whatever Michael asked just to get out. He spent more time in The Pit than he cared to think about and wished sometimes that he could just have his memories erased from that time. His mom used to sing to him, and she told him that he had angels watching over him. A guardian angel would surely have the power to erase memories. He prayed for it nightly, but every day he awoke to a new day with the same old memories. He had done so well suppressing everything and pretending that what happened didn't actually happen, but his sessions with Dr. Missouri were making it harder for him to pretend otherwise. He didn't want to open up about any of it...ever. He wanted to pretend it never happened. He didn't know why he couldn't just pretend that it never happened. Just pretend that Michael was an abusive, possessive control freak. He clenched his fists in his hair and pulled. He had no control over anything and felt like he was drowning. He just wanted to scream.

"Dean! Dean! I am here, Dean!" Sam came rushing in to his room looking like he had just jumped out of bed and wrapped Dean up in an embrace. It was then that Dean realized that he was screaming, and he couldn't stop it. He heard the commotion all around him. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he jerked when he realized that Dr. Missouri was in front of him with a needle, which made him scream harder because all he could think about was waking up in The Pit after being drugged! He felt hands all over him and the stab of the needle. Through his panicked thoughts and sobs, he realized Sam was running his hand through his hair and shushing him before darkness overtook him.

xxxxx

Castiel walked into the hospital waiting room and immediately searched out Sam. It was about 8am now, and when Missouri had called saying they were at the hospital after having to sedate Dean during the night after he wouldn't stop screaming and crying hysterically. Missouri said that their meeting would have to be postponed and that she may end up having to put Dean in Sunnydale after all. Castiel could tell that she was unhappy about that. He decided that he could at least come visit Sam and keep him company. Sam smiled gratefully toward Castiel when he saw him walking toward him. "Castiel, I am sorry we have to meet again like this. I am glad you are here though. I want you to meet Aunt Ellen and Uncle Bobby when they get back from grabbing coffee and breakfast. I guess Missouri told you about what happened and...Crap. He had to be sedated. I couldn't calm him down and Uncle Bobby had to call Missouri." Sam had tears in his eyes before he lowered his head to his hands as he sat with this elbows propped up on his knees.

"Sam, I am here to help in any way I can. I am hoping that we can still work things out without Dean having to go to Sunnydale. I am assuming that he is still sedated?"

Sam nodded with the barest movement. "He is." Sam looked to Castiel as he sat beside Sam. "It was absolutely horrible. He was screaming and crying hysterically. I couldn't do anything to help him. Nothing. I am really...I don't know. What in the hell happened to him? Seriously, man. What the hell?"

Castiel could only shake his head. "I don't know. But we will figure this out. In the mean time, you can be there for him."

Missouri came out to the waiting room then and came over to them both. "Dean is awake, but groggy. He still has some drugs in his system that are going to make him a little loopy for a bit, but I think that once they wear off he will be better. I am hopeful that we can continue on as planned. Sam you can go on in and see him now." As Sam walked off, Missouri addressed Castiel. "I think you can meet him once the meds wear off some. I think it would be best if he could meet you for the first time while he is fully alert."

Castiel nodded. "I definitely agree. I just wanted to be here for moral support and help out any way I can."

Dean got better as the day went on and Sam said that Dean was really embarrassed about what had happened. Apparently, Dean was ready to meet the man that was going to be his guardian. Castiel walked into the room behind Sam. "Dean, this is Castiel. Castiel, this is my brother, Dean."

Castiel froze where he stood. The sub in the bed was so similar to the sub in his dreams that Castiel was stunned.

Dean Winchester, couldn't be the sub of his dreams. Could he?

XXXXX

Thanks, again for reading! I am excited about the next chapter. I am so glad I finally got to the part where the boys meet. I wanted to have a good back story with Castiel and struggled to keep from rushing the story because I wanted to keep the pace from the first chapter. I still feel like it was somewhat rushed. Probably because I just wanted to post it already.

I hope to have the next chapter up in a week...or less. :)


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks everyone for the reviews and it makes my heart flutter with joy when I receive follows and faves! :)

Chapter 3: Freckles and Blue Eyes

Castiel was stunned. He knew he was staring, but he just needed a minute to gather his thoughts because this...

Because this was just crazy.

Dean Winchester was so much like the sub he had dreamed about that Castiel was just stunned.

Stunned stupid, apparently.

Sam asked him if he was ok. Was he ok? He thought about that as he stared at the sub that he was supposed to assume guardianship over in the next few weeks and realized that this sub may just be his perfect match. Soul mate? True mate? Whatever...Castiel was so going to hell because Dean had to be the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Forget watching his bees flitter around or his hens cluck around in his yard. He could just sit and look upon the beauty that was Dean Winchester and be perfectly content.

Sam called his name. Based on his Sam's expression, he had said his name several times. Castiel's gaze slides back over to Dean. He was just...so beautiful.

What in God's Creation is wrong with you, Castiel? You are a Dom. Get a grip and act like a normal person instead of just staring like a stupid...oh dear sweet baby Jesus. He has freckles. Dean Winchester has freckles. 

"Yeah, he does have freckles. Are you ok, Castiel?" Sam was looking at Castiel like he was worried that Castiel had lost his mind. Maybe he had. Because this just couldn't be real. Dean Winchester looked so much like the sub of his dreams that Castiel was just. Stunned. Stupid.

Castiel jumped when he heard Sam clear his throat. Suddenly he remembered that Sam asked him a question, so he tried to compose himself enough to answer him. Castiel finally tore his eyes from Dean and looked toward Sam when Sam asked again if Castiel was ok. "I apologize. I was just...lost...in thought there for a moment."

Wait..."What did you say, Sam?"

"Um, I said that he does have freckles. Are you sure you are feeling ok? Did you skip lunch...or something?"

Castiel mentally shook himself. He felt a moment of panic set in as wondered how to answer Sam. He felt his face heat as the humiliation of the moment set in, which really didn't help his stuttered response. "Oh. Yes, Sam. I am quite alright. I was lost in thought...and...well. I just noticed his freckles. And...I guess...Well, sometimes I think aloud. That is...a...thing that I do. Sometimes. It...I...It is something that I am trying to work on...because, you know..." Castiel's voice trailed off as he mentally berated himself for blabbering like an idiot. Castiel put on a smile that he hoped didn't look as fake as it felt. He was probably showing too much teeth. Castiel knew he was socially awkward at times, but he was never as inept at social situations as he was just now. Dean Winchester, with his green eyes, brown hair, and perfect freckles had definitely thrown Castiel for a loop. The thought that Dean was possibly his made him ecstatic, but he knew that Dean would no doubt be unhappy about it. Castiel knew he had to chose the right moment to touch Dean to find out what he was almost certain of to be true; Dean Winchester was his.

xxxxx

Sam was a little weirded out by Castiel's whole "He has freckles" comment. He wasn't sure what in the heck was going on, but Castiel stared at his brother in a way that definitely made him uncomfortable. "Ooooh-kaay. Um, as I was saying earlier. Dean, this is Castiel. Castiel, this is my brother, Dean." Sam glanced between the two men and had to do a double take toward his brother. He had apparently been so focused on Castiel's weird staring and freckles comment that he just noticed that his brother had the same intense stare as Castiel. Sam felt as though he was officially a part of one of those old Twilight Zone shows, because this was seriously freaking him out. With a frown and mouth slightly gaped open, Sam turned toward Missouri. He wasn't sure what he expected from Missouri, but figured that she would be just as confused about the situation as he was; however, she seemed to be amused and not at all freaking out. He turned back to Castiel and was relieved to see that he seemed to be trying to compose himself, but the relief was short lived because now he was just smiling in a way that made him look like a crazed serial killer. All he needed was blood smeared on his face and clothes to complete the look.

Just when Sam thought that things couldn't possibly get any more awkward, Dean voice breaks the silence.

"Your eyes are really blue."

Well, shit. Sam literally facepalmed. He was too young for this shit.

xxxxx

Missouri watched scene unfold before her. She was surprised when Castiel made the freckles comment, but couldn't quite contain her smile and quiet laugh when Dean commented about Castiel's blue eyes. She felt as though these two were going to get along just fine once Castiel was able to show Dean that he could be trusted. She looked toward Sam to see his reaction to this sudden turn of events. Sam looked very confused; apparently, the young Dom didn't understand what was taking place before him. She chuckled as she thought about how his face looked like one of those victims on those practical joke shows with the hidden camera's. She considered saying something about hidden camera's just to see his expression, but then promptly decided against it since he looked as if he was one step away from being Sam, Interrupted. She would need to speak with the young Dom later and make sure that he understood the dynamics between soul mates. She realized that if Sam was clueless about what was happening, Dean may very well be in the dark as well.

xxxxx

Dean stared at the man with the bluest eyes he had ever seen in his life. He couldn't look away. It was like a moth to a flame. Dean knew that some Dom's were traditionalists when it came to eye contact and considered prolonged direct eye contact from subs to be a challenge to their authority. He had no way of knowing whether this Dom was one of those traditionalist types, but still he was unable to look away. Dean could hear the conversation around him, but it felt as though he was listening under water or through a wall. Those blue eyes held him captive as he felt like they were boring holes into his soul, seeing down to the very essence of who he was, as if he could see everything about Dean...secrets and all. Their intensity held Dean captivated like a butterfly pinned to a board. Dean blamed those damn blue eyes for his break from reality when he said something as monumentally stupid as "Your eyes are really blue."

When Dean realized with a start what he had said, he finally tore his gaze from Castiel and looked down at his hands in his lap. Dean felt his chest tighten and his face heat up with humiliation. Dean recognized that the Dom was...well, he was beautiful. Dean could appreciate the good looks of another person, but he learned the hard way that beauty truly was only skin deep. At least in Michael's case that was how it was, and Dean's experience was pretty limited. He knew that he based his fear and belief that Dom's were narcissistic controlling manipulative asshats on his experience with Michael, but he was unable to make himself believe otherwise. Not without proof. One thing weighing heavily on Dean's mind was how did Sam, or Missouri for that matter, know that this Dom wouldn't demand...stuff from Dean? Stuff that Dean didn't want to do? Sam was his guardian, and he was just a little annoyed that Sam was so trusting to just hand over guardianship of Dean to a virtual stranger. Of course, Dean kept his annoyance to himself. If he wanted to be free to live alone then he needed to be good. Being good was a challenge for Dean, and he was continually put into The Pit for his inability to do as Michael commanded. There was a rational voice inside Dean that told him that Michael had set Dean up for failure time and again, but Dean couldn't stop the voice in his head that sounded a lot like Michael's. It constantly reminded Dean that he was weak, pathetic, and that his sole purpose as a sub was to please his Dom and he couldn't even do that. Dean could feel the panic build in his mind as his heart sped up and his chest tightened in fear. He didn't want to think about his time with Michael and his failures as a sub. He had truly believed when he left Michael that his life from then on would be his own, but it was all just an illusion. This Dom was about to assume guardianship over him and there wasn't anything Dean could do to change that. As tears welled up in his eyes, he just prayed to whatever God was in Heaven or up above that Castiel would not be anything like Michael. If Dean had to live through another situation like that, especially one that he knew he couldn't escape, he figured he might as well just give up his life right then. He glanced at Sam and shook his head as the tears slowly leaked from his eyes down his cheeks.

Sam hugged Dean as he whispered that he would be ok and that he wasn't going anywhere until he knew that Dean was comfortable with Castiel. Dean nodded, even though he felt as though the situation was hopeless. Growing up, he just knew he was going to be a Dom. Everyone believed it, too, so when he presented as a sub at the age of sixteen with a mark on his upper arm that was large enough to be the hand print of a man he hid it from everyone for as long as he could...until his dad walked in on him changing his shirt one morning and saw the mark for himself. Having a mark show up on your body like that could only mean one thing since Dom's didn't get a mark. Dom's, and some subs, dreamed or had visions about their future soul mate. Anyway, his dad had been furious that Dean had hid his status from him. His dad was humiliated when he had to tell all his buds that his eldest son was really in fact "just a sub" and not the Dom that he thought he was. The fact that his mark on his arm was most definitely a size of a man's hand didn't escape his father's notice either. Not only was his son a sub, the mark on his upper arm was a clear indicator that his soul mate was most definitely going to be male. It always confused him that his Dad had that much contempt for his son having a sub status when the love of his life, Dean and Sam's mother, had been a sub. Dean figured that if he had been a girl then it would have been different. A girl sub would have been honorable, whereas a male sub was just shameful as far as John Winchester was concerned. As for the mark, Dean tried his best to ignore it. He figured he was best living without his soul mate. Actually, that wasn't true. His soul mate was better off not knowing Dean. Especially, now.

When Sam let go of Dean, he kept his hand on Dean in an effort to keep him calm. Dean glanced over at Missouri. She was quietly watching from the side of the room with a weird smile on her face. "Dean, I think it is time that you and Castiel begin to get to know each other. Sam and I are going to stay in the room with you as the two of you talk." She pulled a chair over to Dean's right and indicated to Castiel that he should sit there. Once Castiel sat down, she motioned for Sam to follow her over to the little table that sat in front of the window. Missouri allowed Castiel and Dean to interact without any interference from them, but it was really an illusion of privacy since Missouri and Sam was sure to hear every word.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hi...sir." Castiel's gravelly deep voice was really nice, which annoyed Dean. He didn't want to like anything else about Castiel. It was better that way. Then he wouldn't be disappointed when Castiel turned into an asshat.

Castiel smiled faintly at Dean. "How are you feeling, Dean?"

"Um...ok. Better. Thank you for asking, sir."

"That is good. I am really glad to hear that you are feeling better." Castiel cleared his throat while he glanced over at Missouri and Sam. Dean looked their way, too. They were having a quiet conversation. Dean couldn't make out what they said, but it appeared that they were discussing something serious based on the frown of concentration Sam currently had on his face. Castiel turned his attention back over to Dean. "So, is there anything you would like to discuss or would like to ask?"

Dean shook his head quickly, before he said "No, sir." He figured he would let Castiel lead the conversation until Dean could get a better feel for the Dom's true nature. "Dean, you can ask me whatever you want. If it is something I don't feel comfortable answering then I will tell you, but I will answer anything you ask as honestly as I can."

Dean nodded slightly, as if to himself, as he decided that he could make small talk. "How long have you lived in Lawrence? Oh, and what...what do you do for a living, sir?" Castiel smiled as he told Dean about his time in Lawrence and all about his farm. He explained how he loved working in his garden and watching his hens cluck around his yard and his bees buzz around. Dean wasn't sure how he felt about gardening since he wasn't too big on vegetables. He liked to eat chicken and eggs, but somehow he wasn't sure about just watching them cluck around the yard. That sounded kind of boring. Now, bees he definitely didn't like. A nest of bees got in their attic when he was younger and it was a horrible experience when they tried to get those suckers out of the house. He was sure he got stung hundreds of times during the process even though he used a home made torch. Castiel told him about his two cats that seemed to love the farm as much as Castiel did and how he was impressed that they left the hens alone. Apparently, he had worried that they would chase the hens at first.

"What are their names, sir?" Dean was ok with cats as long as they didn't jump out at him. He had one do that at school one time when a guy decided to play a prank on Dean after he had presented as a sub by putting a cat in Dean's locker. So what if he screamed like a girl...no one ever teased the Dom, who stood several lockers down from Dean and wasn't privy to the joke, about his scream. The Dom's scream had been every bit as high pitched as Dean's, but no one said anything to him...because he was a Dom.

"The solid black one is Demon. The other one is Angel. He is mostly white with a dark charcoal black that fades down toward his belly. They are both quite beautiful."

"Do you...have any...dogs?" Dean was afraid to ask. More afraid of the answer. Relief flooded him when Castiel shook his head no.

"I thought about getting a German Shepherd, just to have around as a guard dog. I just never got around to it. Do you...I take it you are not a fan of dogs?"

Dean shook his head. "Not really, sir."

"Well, then as long as you live on my farm, I will not have any dogs around. How about that?" Castiel offered Dean a slight smile in reassurance. Dean nodded and attempted to smile back, but at the moment he was fighting back memories as they threatened to flood his mind. He sighed and looked away from Castiel as he stared at Dean like he was trying to figure him out. His eyes were so scarily intense that Dean was afraid that Castiel really could see through to the very deepest parts of him that he wanted to stay locked in a box. He knew that Missouri wanted him to open up to Castiel about everything. Dean didn't want to talk about any of it, but was terrified that those intense blue eyes was going to make him spill everything.

xxxxx

Castiel enjoyed talking to Dean, and was learning a lot about the sub. He doubted that Dean understood how much he was actually revealing to Castiel during their conversation. First of all, it was apparently going to take a while before Dean would trust him. That just confirmed what they all pretty much figured to be true anyway. His abuse was great enough that he didn't trust anyone, especially another Dom. Missouri was his therapist, and he still refused to open up to her about his abuse. Castiel figured that he was so burned by his experiences that he trusted no one.

"Is there anything else you would like to know, Dean?

Dean searched Castiel's face as he seemed to struggle with something. "Not at the moment, sir."

Castiel tried not to feel disappointed at that. Missouri came up behind him after she apparently overheard that their conversation was coming to a close. "Sounds like you guys are off to a great start. Conversation such as these are important for both of you. Dean, would you like something to help you rest?"

Dean paled when Missouri suggested something to help him rest. Castiel wondered if Dean had a phobia about needles. Dean shook his head as he answered Missouri. "No, ma'am. That won't be necessary."

"Ok. Well, if you decide you need something just tell the nurses and they can page me or the doctor." Dean nodded. "Ok, then. I will see you in the morning Dean. I am going to walk out with Castiel."

"Yes, ma'am." Dean looked down at his hands in his lap as he nodded.

Missouri looked pointedly at Sam and Castiel, and he assumed that she was expecting both of them to follow her out. Sam leaned over and hugged his brother telling him that he would be back in a few minutes and for him to rest like Missouri said. Castiel smiled at Dean and was once again blown away by the beauty of the man. Castiel enjoyed talking with the sub, and couldn't wait until he could return tomorrow. Castiel smiled at Dean. "Dean, I will also visit tomorrow. Please get some rest, and we will talk more tomorrow." Dean looked at the Dom and nodded. "Yes, sir." Castiel wasn't a traditional Dom, but hearing Dean address him as sir stirred his Dom instincts like nothing else ever had.

Castiel knew he was going to have to keep his attraction under wraps because the last thing the sub needed was to get romantically involved with a Dom so soon after leaving an abusive situation. Dean was the most beautiful sub he has ever seen, and Castiel was confident now that Dean was his sub. Castiel knew he could settle the matter by simply touching the sub. If he really was his then there would be a surge of electricity, a spark of sorts, flow through the two when they touched. Whatever mark Dean had that signified his sub designation should tingle and flare with heat whenever touched by his soul mate, and Castiel's palms itched with the urge to reach out in confirmation. Instead of reaching out, Castiel nodded to Dean one last time before he followed Missouri out of the door. Castiel wasn't prepared for how difficult it was to walk away from Dean, and he was already thinking about his plans for visiting Dean the next day as he caught up with Missouri and Sam in the hallway.

A/N: So I struggled with their first meeting. We all love the stories where they meet and it is like instant lust, they do the do, then they fall in love and live happily ever after. While this story will have a happy ending, it will take a little time to get there. I wanted instant attraction with a confident Castiel, but an insecure Dean. With the story that I have set up here, I hope you guys will understand that it will take a while for Dean to trust Castiel. ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Trigger Warnings: I warned everyone in the first chapter that there would be some triggery stuff going on in this fic. So be warned that some things in this chapter could be bothersome for some.

Chapter 4: Open the Floodgates

"Castiel, we need to talk." Missouri stated calmly, which was a deep contrast to how Castiel felt at the moment. He wanted to go back to Dean, but knew he had to take his time with this. The last thing Castiel wanted was for Dean to feel rushed or forced into a bond that would no doubt scare and confuse him. Even though Castiel knew to expect that Dean would reject the idea of having a soul mate, he knew that the initial rejection would still hurt. He honestly had no idea that instincts were really this strong, but just meeting Dean and heavily suspecting that he was his sub apparently made his instincts come out full force.

Castiel nodded. It was better to get this conversation over with so they could figure out the best course of action. "I suppose we do." Castiel figured that Missouri knew exactly what was going on, while Sam frowned at them both. Sam didn't ask any questions though as he studied them both closely. Missouri led Castiel and Sam into a room that resembled a break room that was unoccupied at the moment. After they all were seated at a small round table hospital staff used for breaks, Missouri stared at Castiel like she expected him to say something and when it was apparent that he wasn't she prompted the discussion by turning to Sam instead.

"Sam, while Dean and Castiel were having their little chat I asked you about what you knew about soul mates. You seemed to understand the basics. Like marks and dreams and the roll that they both play in soul mates discovering one another."

Sam still frowned as he glanced from Missouri to Castiel and back again as he tried to figure out why they were even having this conversation. "Yes, I'm not an expert or anything." Sam rubbed his face as if he was so weary. He looked to them both and frowned. "Why are we discussing this, though?"

"Sam, have you ever had any recurring dreams of a certain...sub?"

Sam flushed red and grimaced. He answered somewhat hesitantly as he barely nodded his head. "Yes, I have."

"So if you were to meet your sub randomly one day, do you feel as though you would recognize that sub as yours?"

"I believe so. Yes." Sam was really scowling now as he tried to figure out where this line of questioning was headed.

Missouri just smiled gently at Sam as she patted his hand. "You just keep that in mind, OK?" Sam just nodded his agreement as the frown on his face showed his confusion.

"Castiel, why don't you tell us about the sub in your dreams?" Castiel opened and closed his mouth several times before he could finally utter a sound.

"Well, I. Are you sure we need to discuss this now, Missouri?" Castiel was sure his instincts were right, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to announce it. Especially to the brother of the sub that Castiel was sure was his. He wasn't sure how Sam was going to take hearing that his brother now had a Dom that was claiming to be his soul mate.

Missouri just shook her head as she glared at Castiel. She could see him mentally slapping him on the back of his head in frustration. "Boy. Whether we discuss it now or discuss it later, it is going to be difficult either way. Better to do it now and get it out in the open so there aren't any misunderstandings. Now, tell us about the sub in your dreams."

Castiel looked heavenward as if asking for strength or guidance. With a heavy sigh he began to describe his sub to Missouri and Sam. As he spoke, he watched Sam for that moment of understanding. "Ok. So, the sub I have dreamed of often is obviously male. He appears to be strong. He has brown hair, but could almost be seen as a golden brownish blond at times. He has striking green eyes." Yep, there's the spark of recognition in Sam's eyes as Castiel hesitates for a moment before he added the last bit of information that would, or should, cinch it for Sam. "Um, I believe he has...freckles." Castiel watched as all the pieces clicked together for Sam. He watched as emotions swept over the younger Winchester's face before settling on what Castiel thinks can't be described as anything other than the perfect bitchface. He was confident about the connection between him and Dean, and he knew that Sam legally couldn't keep them apart; however, Sam could make the transition difficult.

Sam glared at Castiel before turning to Missouri and with his thumb pointed toward Castiel he asked incredulously, "Is he freaking serious, right now?" When Missouri nodded, Sam absolutely seemed to lose his shit. "What in the hell do you mean...So you are saying...I can't believe this is happening. Soul mates? For real, you think Dean is your sub?" Castiel nodded as he opened his mouth to respond, but Sam wasn't finished apparently. "No, this can't happen. This can't happen, Missouri. Dean isn't ready for something like this. This is...this is just crazy is what this is. Dean needs time to...well I don't know...get back to being Dean." Sam ran his hands through his hair. "Oh my God, he wants to live alone, Missouri. He wants to be independent. He doesn't want a Dom. Castiel could be wrong about this. You could be wrong about this. The description you just said could be for...I don't know thousands of people."

Missouri cut off Sam's rant sharply as her soft voice was hard as she reprimanded Sam. "Boy, get a grip. What in the hell is wrong with you? This is a good thing. Yes, Dean will be upset at first but once he gets to know Castiel and learns that he is trustworthy then everything will turn out as it should. Sam, you have the strongest influence with Dean right now, and how you react to this is going to directly effect how Dean reacts. So again, get a grip and don't make me knock some sense into you." Missouri's glare was enough to make Sam look away as he continued to frown.

"Missouri, I just...I want Dean to be happy. He hasn't had much of that in his life, especially in the last few years. After what he has been through lately, I know he won't like this. He just wants to be independent, and I want to be able to give him that."

"I understand that, but this is soul mates we are talking about here. Soul mates are special because they are literally made for one another, Sam. Castiel will know exactly what Dean needs, and Dean may not realize it yet, but Castiel will be exactly what he needs. Plus, Dean will know exactly what Castiel needs. I expect Dean to be confused at first and reluctant to trust Castiel, but that is where you and your family will play a role in helping Dean become comfortable with Castiel. I expect Castiel will be around quite a bit in the next few weeks because his instincts will tell him he needs to be close to Dean. Also, we need to decide the best way to approach this with Dean." Missouri's tone had softened some as she spoke, and Sam seemed resigned as he asked Castiel how sure he was that Dean was his.

Castiel's steady gaze met Sam's as he reminded himself that Sam was only trying to protect Dean. "I am so positive that Dean is mine that I would say 99.9% sure."

Sam shook his head. "He isn't going to react well to this, but...if this must happen then...we need to wait until he gets a little more used to you. I trusted you to be his guardian, Castiel, but now that you are saying that he is your sub...I don't know, man. This is just a lot to take in right now."

Castiel chuckled with really no humor. "I agree that it is a lot to take in. I went from agreeing to be a guardian to meeting my soul mate. That is a lot to take in. I don't want to overwhelm Dean, but I don't want to wait too long. If Dean values his independence the way I think he does, then perhaps it isn't such a great idea to keep this from him for too long?"

Sam frowned as if he hadn't thought about the situation like that. "Dean will definitely feel betrayed if he feels as though we kept something this important from him. It will probably just add to his feelings of, I don't know, unworthiness. He is just so insecure, and what if this is too much? If this is really happening that is. We still aren't certain that he is yours, and we won't be until the two of you touch." Sam got up from his chair and started pacing. "I really think this is a bad idea. Missouri, maybe we need to consider our other options. I can do some research about some colleges here in the state and see if I can stay home and go to one nearby." Sam glanced at Castiel. "Maybe then Castiel won't even be needed as a guardian."

Castiel tried hard not to take offense to Sam's words, but he got the message loud and clear. Sam didn't want Dean to be Castiel's, or anyone else's for that matter. Castiel understood that he was just trying to protect his brother from being forced into a situation that he didn't want, but there were laws against keeping soul mates apart. Sam sounded as though he considered this to be an option. It was an option that Castiel was totally against. He had waited too long for his sub to just ignore his instincts. He was sure that Dean was his, and he understood that the situation called for a little caution due to Dean's past but Castiel was sure that biology would not fail them both as soul mates. They were exactly what the other needed because that was exactly the way biology designed soul mates. Castiel wasn't sure when he got so romantic and sentimental, but one look into Dean Winchester's eyes convinced him that green was the most beautiful color ever to exist. So, no, Sam wasn't going to block Dean from becoming his.

Missouri appeared as though she just heard someone say they were going to run naked through the streets covered in whipped cream after Sam finished with his suggestion. Castiel tried to figure out how to respond to Sam's suggestion that perhaps he wasn't needed when Missouri angrily began to let Sam know exactly what she thought of his suggestion. "Sam Winchester, I am ashamed of you! I can't believe...oh the nerve...boy, what goes on in that thick skull of yours? First of all, you will continue on to school as planned. Second, Castiel will be Dean's guardian and his Dom if that is how this plays out. But under no circumstances are we going to just ignore the fact that Castiel and Dean are soul mates, if in fact they are. I know Dean is going to be upset at first, but he will learn with time that Castiel is someone he can trust and love. I can't even believe...ugh..."

"Sorry, Missouri. You are right. I just can't believe this is actually happening. I am sorry. Sorry, Castiel. I guess I just need a moment to process everything before moving forward." Sam said rather sheepishly.

"Yeah, well. During this time that Dean and Castiel get to know one another, you and Castiel need to get to know each other as well. You will be practically family soon; plus you will want to work together to ensure that Dean is happy. Everyone will work together." Missouri's tone didn't leave room for argument. Castiel and Sam both nodded in agreement.

"Now that is settled, you boys can walk me out to my car. We will meet back here tomorrow afternoon so that Castiel can spend a little time with Dean." Sam and Castiel both agreed to meet at the time specified by Missouri. Sam was supposed to send them both updates as needed since he was staying the night with Dean. Castiel watched Sam grab a bag from his car as Castiel started his own car. Sam turned and offered Castiel a wave as he began walking back toward the hospital entrance. Castiel drove off as he contemplated everything that has happened. Castiel arrived home after a quiet ride home and realized that soon his house was going to be home to his soul mate, too. He hoped that Dean liked his home and farm as much as Castiel.

xxxxx

Blue eyes stared back at him as Dean stayed perfectly still on his bed. He tried not to move and desperately wanted to be good for this man. The blue eyed man kneeled on the bed between Dean's legs and his hands were rubbing Dean's thighs lightly in an effort to soothe, but all Dean could think about was how he desperately wanted that man's touch on the hard member that twitched as it strained for attention. Even so, Dean's hands stayed beside his sides grasping the sheets as he kept himself from touching the man...and from reaching out to touch himself. The blue eyes blazed with desire, but also with kindness as his hand moved to grasp Dean's cock making Dean's back bow. He started to tell the man that he was sorry for moving when the man with the blue eyes spoke to him with that gravelly voice that sent a shiver though Dean and made his toes curl. "You are so perfect for me, Dean." 

Dean shook his head. He was far from perfect. The man had no clue what he was talking about no matter how his blue eyes seemed to search the depths of Dean's soul. Dean couldn't speak because he was lost to the wonder of the man's hand touching his cock as he slowly moved his hand up and down his shaft gathering precome for lube as he thumbed the head every few strokes. "Open your eyes for me, Dean. Look at me." Dean could have cried even as he moaned loudly as the man sped up his strokes after Dean met his eyes. Dean concentrated on holding back, and felt tears of frustration leak from his eyes as he desperately tried to keep from going over the edge. It was so good..."Please. Let me...I need..." 

"Dean, you are so good for me. Perfect. Whenever you want, you can come." With those words, Dean's hot come splashed over the man's hand landing on Dean's stomach. Dean felt as though he was floating as the blue eyed man stroked himself to completion as Dean felt the hot splash of the man's seed mix with his own on his stomach. Dean felt the man hug him close as he felt himself start to drift off...

xxxxx

As Dean woke up, he looked around the hospital room. He had that feeling that something had woke him up, but wasn't quite sure what it could be that woke him. He reached over toward the table to grab his glass of water when he noticed the wet spot in his boxers. His mind flooded with the details of his dream. He was horrified, but wasn't sure what exactly to be the most horrified over. Should he be more horrified that he came in his boxers like a teenager experiencing a freaking wet dream or the fact that he came in his boxers like a teenager experiencing a freaking wet dream about a man that was going to be his guardian? Why in the hell would he dream about him? It had to be the stunning blue eyes. And Dean's own repressed desires since he didn't seem to be able to get himself off without hearing those stupid magic words. Dean was a little worried about the fact that he wasn't able to allow himself to let go without permission. And really? How fucked up was that? He would be dragged down to hell by the hounds of hell themselves before talking to his therapist about that issue. Nope. Not happening.

But apparently permission via dream worked because Dean now found himself in the bathroom cleaning himself up and putting on some clean boxers. He was glad that Sammy brought him a bag of clothes. He panicked as he looked around wondering what he was going to do with the soiled pair of boxers. He settled on putting them in the garbage as he wadded up several paper towels on top in the hopes that no one would see them before the janitors had a chance to collect the garbage. He walked back into his room and decided to try to see if there was anything on TV as he settled into his bed. That was when he sat up in a panic. Holy shit. Sammy brought him some clothes. The bag hadn't been there before so that could only mean one thing.

Sam came into the room while Dean was sleeping. His face flamed hot and flushed red from embarrassment when he realized that Sam possibly witnessed Dean's sleeping form in the throes of the passionate dream about Castiel. Maybe he didn't react outwardly during the dream and Sam just went to get something to eat. Hopefully, Sam just brought the bag and left without being in the room long enough to realize Dean was in the middle of a dream that Dean was unwilling to admit at the moment was the best dream of his life. Of course, having dreams that weren't his typical nightmare was a sweet relief...orgasms aside.

He couldn't believe he had been able to achieve release through a freaking wet dream. That was just screwed up. What in the hell was wrong with him? It didn't matter that it was a natural occurrence among men of both designations to have wet dreams but it was typically during those hormonal adolescent years. Sam was closer to that age than Dean. Dean understood that the last couple of years of having to withhold his orgasms so often that his body craved the release. Apparently, it took his subconscious to help Dean achieve the release he so desperately needed. It frustrated him that after leaving Michael, after leaving the situation that apparently trained his mind and his body more than he thought possible, it was so damn near impossible to let go without having permission except during a freaking wet dream. Michael achieved with Dean what Pavlov had done with his dogs. Dean was so conditioned to needing permission to come that he wasn't even able to pleasure himself anymore to completion. He had tried imagining Michael giving him permission, but he just couldn't do it. He was even considering buying a cage for himself so that he wouldn't feel the ache of being hard with no way of release, even though Michael had used the cage as a way to train Dean. At first, Dean had thought the cock cage was punishment. It wasn't long before Dean realized the cage wasn't the punishment. It was what happened when the cage came off that was the true punishment.

At first, Michael just wanted to watch Dean masturbate in front of him night after night. Dean did it willingly after being released from The Pit that first time. He was so desperate to prove he could be good in order to avoid The Pit. Michael provided instruction, but he never touched Dean. He made it clear that Dean required permission to come and after a while began pushing Dean further and further toward the edge almost making it impossible for Dean to obey. Michael had two rules. Dean required permission to stop doing whatever it was that Michael instructed him to do, and he required permission to come. At first, Michael allowed Dean to come every night, so Dean was ok with it after he got over the initial awkwardness of masturbating in front of another person. Over time though, Michael started waiting longer and longer to give Dean permission to come. Dean tried so hard to be good, but inevitably he failed. The first time he came without permission led to him being drugged and placed in The Pit. Then, the first time he stopped the stimulation without permission in an effort to stop himself from tipping over the edge was when he was introduced to the cage for the first time.

The first time he was punished was when he met Tessa, Michael's personal assistant. She was another sub and Dean often wondered why she was with Michael, but then again he stayed too so he guessed he had no business questioning another's motives for hanging around Michael. While Michael never touched Dean, Tessa was the one that put the cage on him the first time and every time after that. Michael instructed Dean to move to another room that was always locked. Dean wasn't sure what was in the room and he remembered the fear that coursed through him when he realized that it was probably something unpleasant. It was the room that Dean knew Alistar frequently visited for hours at a time before leaving always locking the door behind him. When he was led into the room, that was the first time he actually saw The Rack. Michael told him to allow Tessa to strap him down or he would be forced to tranquilize him again. Dean had shuddered at the thought of being tranquilized unknowing what he was going to awaken to so he allowed himself to be strapped down. He had a strap across his ankles, thighs, arms, wrists, chest, hips, and forehead. They all secured him in such a way that he was unable to move at all, which was the design obviously. Dean panicked as he expected to be lashed or spanked, but instead Tessa told him everything would be ok as she inserted a ball gag in his mouth. His fear had already caused his erection to go away. She then proceeded to wash his private area. It was completely clinical in the way she did it and when she was finished she began to place something on him but he was unable to see what it was. Michael explained that it was a cock cage meant to keep him from achieving an erection and he would have to wear it for an undetermined amount of time. Michael said that once Dean was trained exactly how Michael wanted him would the cage be removed permanently. Until then, it would only be removed nightly during which he would be subjected to whatever Michael had planned for him. It was all part of the training. After the cage was in place, Dean's eyes followed Tessa as she moved toward him with the syringe in her hand. He swore he saw pity in her eyes as she administered whatever drug it was that caused Dean to fall into a deep slumber until he awoke again naked, except for the cage, in The Pit.

Dean sat in his bed as he realized he had done what he said he wouldn't do. He thought about The Pit. The Rack. The endless sessions of being denied the release that he so desperately begged for time and time again. The relief he would feel when allowed to come that resulted in him being so thankful that he would have done anything for Michael just to be allowed the opportunity to orgasm again. Over time, Dean did everything Michael wanted without question. Tessa didn't even have to strap him down to place the cage on him after a while. Dean squeezed his eyes as tears began to fall as he thought about the countless times he was subjected to ice packs to relieve his erections instead of the release he craved only to be locked up in the cage once his erection was replaced by a flaccid cock numbed by the ice. He tried to block out the images of watching himself in a mirror, as Michael had instructed, as he begged Michael for release. Dean wasn't able to even look at himself in a mirror now without seeing the image of himself desperate and begging staring back at him. There was so much more he didn't want to think about, but was unable to block. It was like a floodgate had been opened with no hope of stopping the flood of memories that threatened to drown him as he desperately tried to push back against them. He didn't even realize he had left his bed and was pacing his room crying and tearing at the bedclothes and throwing whatever he could get his hands on until he heard shouts from voices he didn't recognize and felt arms come around him in an attempt to stop his hysterics. He felt the familiar stick of a needle as his eyes met Sam's worried gaze. His brother was trying to speak to him, but the drug was fast working as it began to cloud Dean's mind. This time the darkness the drug offered was a blissful release from the reality of Dean's past.

A/N: I am really enjoying writing this fic, and I especially enjoy reading your reviews and receiving notifications from everyone that either follows or faves my story! Thanks to you all!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It was near midnight when Castiel walked back into the hospital. Sam had called him about an hour ago while Castiel was in the shower, and Castiel had immediately called Sam back once he noticed the missed call. Sam explained to Castiel what had happened with Dean, which prompted Castiel into grabbing his clothes to put on as he told Sam that he would be back to the hospital as soon as possible. Sam insisted that it wasn't necessary for Castiel to return to the hospital, but Castiel just silenced his protests. Castiel had stopped to get coffee from a 24 hour diner in town and sipped it as he walked into the family waiting room where Sam said he would be. When he walked into the room, he took in the looks from the people in the room and wished he had thought to bring more coffee.

Castiel had met the older couple earlier in the day as he waited to see Dean, and it was clear that they cared about Sam and Dean as if they were their own children. He listened as Sam updated Castiel about Dean's situation. "Castiel, earlier when I walked out with you and Missouri, I grabbed a bag from the car. It was a bag for Dean. I took it to his room, but he was asleep. I thought that I would just hang out for a bit. Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen came by, too, and we didn't really want to wake Dean since he seemed to be sleeping peacefully. We made plans to meet at a restaurant to eat so they left out a few minutes before I did because they had to run an errand first before meeting up, which gave me time to sit with Dean for a few minutes in case he woke up. He didn't appear as though he was going to wake up, so...um...I decided to go ahead and leave." Sam turned a bright shade of read, which Castiel thought was odd. "When I got back to here, I could hear the commotion going on in the room when I stepped off the elevator. I ran toward the room and saw the nurses trying to get a handle on Dean. He was yelling and screaming, and the room had been trashed. One of the nurses was able to get the sedative in him, and he was out within a minute. As they got him settled in the bed, a few of the nurses cleaned up the room. I'm not sure what caused him to go off like he did, but something had to have happened."

"Maybe he had another nightmare?" Ellen asked as she reached out to rub Sam's back.

Sam grimaced. "I...uh...don't really think that was it."

Castiel felt as though Sam was hiding something. "How can you be sure, Sam?"

A flash of panic crossed Sam's face before he schooled his features into a look of determination. "I just know. When he has nightmares, he tends to...I don't know...he just acts like he is having a nightmare. This wasn't like that."

Bobby spoke up then. "Well, what was it like then?"

Sam rubbed his face. "I really don't want to talk about it."

"If you are hiding something..."

"Uncle Bobby, I'm not hiding anything...it is just...I don't think it is relevant." Castiel watched the exchange in confusion. There was obviously something that Sam was not telling them.

"I think at this point, anything could be relevant. Now what the hell are you not tellin' us?"

Sam groaned and sighed heavily as he threw his head back with his eyes closed. "All I am going to say is that it appeared to be a nice dream. So not a nightmare."

"A nice dream?" Castiel was confused. Until he wasn't. "Oh." Well, that explained Sam's discomfort.

"Well, if this ain't awkward." Bobby summed it right up for Castiel.

"Bobby, you are the one that insisted Sam tell you what he was hiding." Ellen kindly reminded Bobby of how insistent he had been.

Bobby blushed a little as he rolled his eyes and muttered "Yeah, well. I wasn't expecting it to be something like that."

Sam recovered from his reveal, but was still slightly red. "Can we please all agree to never let Dean know that we all know about...this...the uh...dream situation?"

They all agreed.

XXXXX

Missouri showed up not long after. She spent some time talking to them about the situation before she went in search of the nurses that were on duty to see what information she could gain from them. They all dozed off at various times during the next couple hours. Infomercials played on the television and the five year old magazines provided some entertainment but not much since everyone pretty much dozed off while watching the TV or reading. Castiel woke up after dozing off and decided to make a coffee run for everyone. He decided to forgo the cafeteria and headed to the diner next door for their coffee. it was early so he didn't have to wait long for the coffee. With a container box of coffee cups, he headed back to the hospital.

Castiel placed the coffee on the table when he walked back into the family waiting room. Everyone was awake, but barely, and were very appreciative of the coffee. Everyone sat around watching the morning news while sipping their coffee. Castiel thought that it seemed almost normal even though they were in a hospital. Then it hit him that these people in this room with him were likely going to be his family soon. He liked Sam and felt as though the young Dom would go through hell for his brother. Bobby was surely with his matter of fact attitude, but most certainly loved the boys as if they were his own. Based on what Castiel had learned so far, the man had been a great father figure for the Winchester boys, especially Sam during the last five years. Ellen was no doubt a very independent sub, and was no nonsense in her motherly caretaker role. It was sad that Dean felt that he had to leave town instead of staying with these people that obviously care very deeply for each other.

Everyone sat up straight when Missouri came in and took a seat. She didn't waste time getting to the point. "We need to discuss Dean." She continued when she was sure she had everyone's attention. "I have a theory about what is going on with him, but I won't know for sure until he decides to open up about it." Everyone nodded as they waited for her to continue. "Dean has been in serious denial. I am not a mind reader, but I believe that Dean thought that by returning here that he would be able to pick up his old life and pretend that the last five years didn't happen. The problem with that is that it hasn't been that way. He remembers what he was like before he left. He wants to be that person again, but the last five years have built up walls and insecurities that are so strong that he can't get past them. Over the last few weeks, I think he has fought to keep those memories from overwhelming him. Think of it as a weak dam that is constantly bombarded with a flood. Eventually that weak dam is going to break allowing the flood to flow though. Once that flood starts, there really isn't any way to stop it."

"So you are saying that Dean's been trying to ignore the memories and that suddenly the memories have broke free. And now he can't stop them?" Sam rubbed his palm like it was a nervous habit.

"Exactly, Sam." Missouri confirmed.

"So what happens now?" Bobby asked.

"I think that the best course of action now is for Castiel to confirm what we all pretty much know to be true, and he needs to do it as soon as possible."

Castiel was stunned. Even though Sam and he had been discussing it earlier, to hear Missouri suggesting it just surprised him. "How soon?"

"Like when he wakes up." Castiel started to protest. He thought that they should take a few days at least to get to know one another, but Missouri had other ideas. Holding her hand up in a stop motion, she continued. "No, Castiel. It has to be as soon as possible. The bond that happens between soul mates will help him more than anything. If the bond isn't there...then I am not sure if the original plan of having you as his guardian will work as we planned it."

"What the hell does that mean?" Sam's panicked voice echoed the panic in Castiel's mind. Bobby and Ellen were also visibly upset with what Missouri was saying.

"It means that if there isn't a bond between Castiel and Dean, then Dean will need to be institutionalized for a time before Castiel can take over guardianship." That statement made everyone start talking at once...

"Balls! There has to be another way..."

"You can not be serious?"

"Oh no! You can't put Dean in the institution..."

"The bond will be there..." Everyone turned toward Castiel. He repeated himself as he looked at everyone. "The bond will be there." He was sure of it.

XXXXX

Dean was aware of voices talking, but he really didn't care to hear what they were saying. He had a hard time getting through the darkness that was around him, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to panic over the darkness. His nose itched, but for some reason his arm wasn't cooperating to bring his hand up to scratch the itch. He had a brief moment of surprise when he realized that his wrists were being held down by something. That caused him to open his eyes in shock, not that he could focus very well. Why did he feel so groggy? It was like he was drugged again and he didn't like it. He could hear a beeping noise that seemed to get faster and realized that was his heart rate once he remembered that he was in the hospital. Sam came over and grabbed his hand. He was talking but Dean couldn't focus on the words. Was that Uncle Bobby? Aunt Ellen? Why in the hell couldn't he focus? He wanted to talk to them, but couldn't make his mouth form the words. Moments later sleep overtook him again.

XXXXX

There was that beeping noise again. Dean couldn't hear voices this time. Seconds later he was out again.

XXXXX

Dean felt awareness slowly coming upon him like he was surfacing from a swim deep under the docks at a lake he remembered visiting when he was younger. The water had been so dark in that lake. Kind of like how dark it was right now. He tried opening his eyes but he was having a difficult time. He thought his right eye opened a little while his left eye seemed to be glued shut.

"Dean?" That was his brother's voice. He tried responding, but couldn't get his mouth to make any sound. "Dean, it is ok. Don't worry about speaking right now. We are all here. We will be here when you wake up, ok? If you need to, then go back to sleep. I am going to be right here." Dean shook his head even as his mind decided to shut down in sleep once again.

XXXXX

He smelled hamburgers. When was the last time he ate? He couldn't remember, but he really hoped that whoever had a hamburger had brought one for him as well. He found that he really couldn't open his eyes that time either so he gave up and went back to sleep again.

XXXXX

Dean's eyes opened up as he realized he was able to hear the quiet thrum of conversation in the room. He wasn't able to make out what they were saying since they were speaking in hushed tones, but the noise of their voices drew his eyes to the side of the room where Sam, Uncle Bobby, Aunt Ellen, Missouri, and Castiel all sat. Castiel noticed that he was looking at them first. "Hello, Dean." That caused the others to turn quickly in Dean's direction. He was glad that the fog of sleep that had plagued him the other times he remembered trying to wake up had lifted. He still felt somewhat medicated and like he could easily return to sleep, but he felt like he could actually fight the sleep successfully now. He wasn't able to raise his arms and that alarmed him. Missouri was standing by him and he focused on her as she explained that he was restrained after his breakdown to ensure he wouldn't attempt to harm himself or others. Dean was confused. He wasn't sure what she was talking about and them suddenly everything came rushing back to him. The dream, the memories, the room being destroyed, Sam's face as they restrained him, and he felt guilt rush through him suddenly.

Missouri kept talking. "Now that you are awake, I am going to take the restraints off but first I want you to agree to take some medicine that will help your anxiety. Will you do that, Dean?" When Dean nodded, she placed the pill in his mouth and gave him a drink of water through a straw. Once she was satisfied that he had swallowed the medicine, she asked him if there was something he wanted or needed.

In a scratchy voice that sounded as though it hadn't been used in years, he croaked out one word. "Hamburger."

XXXXX

Over the last few minutes, Dean began to feel more awake. Sam helped him to the bathroom, with Bobby's help because apparently he was weak as a damn kitten. He almost fell and took Sam with him, which was saying something since the kid was as big as a moose. When he did his business in the bathroom, and washed his hands, he asked if he could have a shower. Sam agreed but only if he could help. Dean was so weak that at that point he didn't even argue. He just wanted a shower and to brush his teeth. It was embarrassing to have to need Sam to help him, but they made it through the shower with Dean's dignity in tact. Dean was back in the bed and feeling better once Castiel came in with a bag. Dean's mouth watered as he realized that it was a hamburger. Missouri told him to eat slow to ensure he didn't get sick, but Dean was famished and downed that burger like Famine himself was there. He was glad to have fries, and he finished those off a little slower than the burger.

It was after he ate that he noticed that everyone was watching him as if they were expecting him to do a trick or something. "I am sorry for what happened." He was sorry. He hated remembering everything that happened to him, hated to think about it, but he knew that going crazy like he had was not been the best thing in the world for him to do if he was ever going to be able to live on his own again.

"Dean, we need to talk to you about something." Missouri sounded ominous, which made Dean nervous about the upcoming conversation. He wished he could just go back to sleep. "Actually, we need to prepare you for something. You do know about soul mates?" Dean nodded. He knew where this conversation was headed and couldn't help his gaze from seeking out Castiel's. He looked away quickly, but knew from the slight squint in Castiel's eyes that he gave himself away. "Then, you know that being bonded helps subs to remain calm and grounded?" Dean nodded and felt like he was having an out of body experience. "So, you understand how it would help you?" Again, Dean nodded, but felt as though his world was spinning.

He understood exactly what Missouri was saying. It was what he had suspected after his dream. He blushed as he thought back to the dream, and glanced toward Sam. God, he hoped that Sam was gone when he was having that dream. That dream had been so realistic, and he knew that dreams were common among soul mates. He didn't want a soul mate though. He wanted to be free. Independent. Being bonded would make those things impossible. He looked toward Castiel again. His blue eyes bore into Dean as if he was seeing his soul. He wondered if Castiel could see the ugliness that Dean had tried to keep buried? As Castiel and Dean stared at one another, he heard his Uncle Bobby say that he and his Aunt Ellen were going to leave for a while. He barely registered when Missouri said to Sam that it would probably be a good idea for him to join them. There was a brief discussion after Sam protested, but Missouri said that Dean would probably not want an audience for what was going to happen. Sam nodded and walked out of the room. And that...

That was when Dean lost it.

He began to cry softly, because he knew that what was about to happen would forever change his life. He would never be independent and free to make his own choices. He realized that he should have come to terms with that when he first presented. A sub was never allowed to be free. To be independent. A Dom would always control a sub's life. Always.

Resignation. That was what he felt now. It didn't matter that soul mates were made for each other and all that. It was nonsense. A sub was under a Dom's control. Period. He knew that Missouri was going to have Castiel touch him and if that touch opened a bond between them, then Dean's dreams of being on his own were lost forever. Everything he had ever wanted in his life didn't matter because the fact of the matter was that apparently Fate was a prickly little bitch that hated Dean, and Fate had decided that this was his life. He could only pray to whoever was listening that if Castiel was his soul mate, his Dom, that his life with him would be better than the last five years.

XXXXX

Castiel's heart broke when he watched tears quietly leak from the corners of Dean's eyes. Castiel could tell that Dean suspected they were soul mates. Apparently, Missouri had caught onto it, too. Castiel couldn't stand the way that Dean looked at him, though. It was part fear and part resignation. Castiel walked toward Dean as Missouri continued to speak.

"Dean, do you suspect that you potentially have a bond with Castiel?" Dean squeezed his eyes shut as he shook his head before he nodded as if it physically pained him to do so. "Dean, it isn't something to scared of, but I understand that this isn't exactly what you were expecting." Dean just shook his head again. Still keeping his eyes shut tight. "Look at me, Dean." Missouri had to repeat it several times before Dean finally turned his watery gaze toward her. "I know this is not what you wanted, but if Castiel is your Dom that will be a good thing."

"If he isn't?" Dean's voice was barely above a whisper.

"If he isn't, then we will have to take a different course of action. We will discuss that if we need to, but for now we need to determine if Castiel is your Dom. Since this can sometimes be emotional, everyone left except for Castiel and me. I am staying to observe." Castiel figured she was staying to ensure that Dean didn't freak out, which made him wonder if this really was a great idea. "Dean, is there anything you want to say or ask first?" Dean just shook his head.

"It wouldn't matter anyway."

Missouri seemed unhappy with that response, but she couldn't be as unhappy as Castiel was with Dean's resignation like he thought Castiel was going to make his life miserable. Castiel tried to remind himself that Dean didn't have a whole lot of experience to go on, but it still hurt that Dean thought Castiel would be one of those abusive controlling Dom's that would not allow Dean to have a life outside of their relationship. "Castiel, anything you want to say or ask first?"

Castiel cleared his throat. "Um. Yes. Dean, regardless of what happens in the next few moments I will continue to be here for you and hopefully one day you will trust me." Missouri stepped back so that Castiel could move closer to Dean. He wished Dean didn't look like he was being approached by a snake with large teeth and a forked tongue, but at least he wasn't running away protesting. Yet.

Missouri whispered softly. "Whenever you're ready."

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey."

Castiel had no clue what to say right now. What does one say in these situations? He looked into those beautiful green eyes that are only made brighter by the tears shimmering in them and asked the only thing he could at that moment. "Are you ready?"

XXXXX

This was not happening.

This was not happening.

This was not happening.

This was happening.

Dean still had that out of body floaty feeling, and when Castiel asked him if he was ready Dean nodded yes even though he was petrified. He watched Castiel through tear-filled eyes as he raised his hand toward Dean's right shoulder. His hand hovered there for long moments that gave Dean ample time to get a good panic going...but before he could get really worked up Castiel grabbed his upper arm right above his mark!

Dean barely had time to register the shock that Castiel grabbed him where his mark was before he began to feel that mark heat up and sparks of pleasure shot through his body. He watched as Castiel's eyes closed as if he was in pure ecstasy. Dean's eyes closed involuntarily as he focused on the pleasure that flowed through this body and limbs like hot molten lava. Or at least what he thinks hot molten lava would flow like, anyway. He didn't want to feel this, but was helpless as he rode out the wave of pure white pleasure. He was vaguely aware of his erection and wondered if Castiel felt the same. Somehow, Dean knew that he was. The feeling was so much just pure pleasure that Dean never wanted it to end. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before in his life. The pleasure continued to rise though as Castiel kept his hand on Dean and it was so hot. Like he was branding him as his. Dean realized that was exactly what he was doing. He was Castiel's. They were soul mates. He vaguely heard the door open and close, but he didn't care. He only wanted this feeling to continue. He knew that he would be embarrassed by his behavior right now, but he couldn't help the plea from escaping his mouth. "Please don't stop."

Castiel whispered softly in his ear a command that Dean had no willpower to do anything other than to obey. "Let go, Dean."

Dean's couldn't have stopped his body's release at that moment if his life depended upon it.

It was the best orgasm he had ever had, and he had not even been touched other than the hand that settled on his upper arm like a heavy hot brand. He felt a hand running through his hair as his eyes opened to look into Castiel's. The look on Castiel was so endearing and fond that Dean turned his face away. Castiel didn't move away. Didn't move his hand. He just leaned over and lightly placed a kiss on Dean's forehead while he kept his hand on Dean like they would keep Dean grounded. He guessed they were in a way. He felt the wetness in his underwear, and immediately flushed. "Dean, don't be embarrassed. You are beautiful."

Dean just shook his head. This Dom, his Dom, had no clue what he was talking about. Dean was far from beautiful. Dean could feel the power and confidence radiating through Castiel. It scared him. He knew it was only a matter of time before that power and confidence turned on Dean.

XXXXX

Dean was beautiful. Castiel was so happy, but he could tell that Dean didn't trust it, didn't trust him, yet. That was ok. Castiel knew that over time Dean would find out that Castiel's mission was to keep him happy, safe, and protected. Castiel saw himself in that moment as a guardian angel sent from heaven with the task of ensuring that Dean Winchester had the best life possible. He would prove himself trustworthy to Dean and in the process heal Dean from the demons of his past.

A/N: So, I had this written like a week ago and went to save it and my computer froze up...I lost all of it except the first 500 words. It was sad. I ended up learning a lesson that I forgot from my college days. Save. Save. Save. Save often. Like neurotic saving. Anyway, I rewrote it and I think I like this version better anyway so maybe it worked out alright.

Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I am excited for the next chapter in this story, but just a warning. There will still be a little angst as Dean and Cas get to know each other. Oh, and since I cranked this out quickly because I wanted to get this updated, please let me know if you notice any mistakes in the story so I can correct it. I didn't review this chapter like I have the others. Thanks :)


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I love reviews, and take what you say seriously. It helps when a review points out something in the story that honestly wasn't my intention. Thanks cab60...

Chapter 6 From one sub to another...

Dean stared at the ceiling as Castiel and Sam left to go get something to eat. He wondered if he would actually have a few minutes alone. Castiel hadn't left his room since the incident. How embarrassing...Dean had heard of stuff like that happening when soul mates find each other for the first time, but he figured it was some romanticized notion that people had played up in fairy tales. Stuff like that just didn't happen in real life. Or so he freaking thought.

He guessed he could be thankful that no one was around when it happened. Or that it didn't happen in public. A shudder ran through Dean at that thought. He felt sorry for soul mates that had that happen in public. Sometimes Dean wondered what God was thinking when he designed...well, everything. Couldn't He have made things just a little less complicated. And less embarrassing.

Thank heavens that Missouri had left the room!

Dean wondered if the anxiety medicine was already working because a couple of days ago he would have been in a full out panic destroying the room if this had happened. He still felt the anxiety, but at least he wasn't freaking out...well, outwardly. He was just having an internal freak-out. He knew the meds had to be helping some, but wondered if they worked that quickly. Maybe it was a placebo effect?

Or it could be the bond with Castiel.

Yeah, he guessed it could be that. Castiel had been nothing but nice to him. Castiel had done everything possible to make Dean comfortable the last couple of days. Dean could feel his distrust wavering and it pissed him off because he knew that eventually Castiel would show his true colors. Dean would just rather be prepared for that when it happened instead of blindsided.

Dean looked toward the door when he heard it open. He saw the woman that he considered to be his aunt walk through the door. She had a bag with her that smelled great, and Dean grinned when she handed it to him.

"I brought you some lunch. I let Castiel know so he wouldn't grab you something while he was out." Ellen said as she sat down in the chair beside Dean's bed.

"Thanks, Ellen." He opened the bag and pulled out a burger from The Roadhouse. It smelled heavenly.

"How are you, Dean?"

"Um...ok. I guess." Dean spoke around a mouthful of burger. He grabbed the drink that Ellen brought him and took a few gulps of that to wash it down.

"Boy, you can't lie to me. I know better. Now tell me what is really goin' on in that head of yours." Ellen always was straight to the point. She wasn't the stereotypical sub at all. Of course, her relationship with Bobby was special. Bobby was gruff, but so was she. Bobby took care of her, but she took care of him as well. They just worked, and they respected each other. It was like they knew what the other was thinking and how the other felt without having to even ask. Now if that wasn't some fairy tale crap...

"I don't really know what to say..."

"Bull shit, Dean Winchester. Now, I know you aren't the greatest with feelings...never have been...but I know you. You need to talk to someone or else you are going to go crazy in that head of yours." Dean blushed because Ellen was right. He wasn't good expressing his feelings. Especially now.

"I can't talk about what happened..." Dean pleaded with his eyes for her to understand.

"Ok. So you don't have to tell me what happened. I respect that. How about we talk about Castiel?"

"What about him?" Dean took a huge bite of his burger.

"What do you think about him?" Dean chewed as he tried to think of a suitable answer that she would accept. After gulping down his bite, he replied.

"He is nice."

"He is nice." Ellen deadpanned.

"Yep."

"Dean, you just eat your burger while I talk for a few minutes." Dean stared at Ellen in shock because that was the voice she had when she was about to give Jo a piece of her mind. It was her mama voice and Dean and Sam had been on the receiving end of that voice several times in the past. Which, yeah, the past was something Dean was actively trying to avoid thinking about at the moment. He took another bite of his burger and stuffed a fry in his mouth as he watched Ellen as she geared up for whatever she was about to say.

"Now, I know you have been through some shit. Some really awful shit, because I ain't blind. I see how you have been since you been back. I...I hate that you felt that you had to leave because Bobby and I would have done everything in our power to help out both of you boys. Hell, you both are like my own as much as Joanna Beth is. Bobby feels the same about you boys as he does Jo. None you may be his biological kids, but he still feels like he is the father that all three of you should have had. Now, I know for a fact that he feels that he has failed you. Hell, we all feel that way." She held up her hand to stop Dean from saying anything when he began to shake his head. "We do. We can't change the past. Neither can you. It sucks. I understand that, but...you can't hold every Dom responsible for whatever that douchebag Michael did to you during the time you were with him. I don't know Castiel all that well, but from what I have witnessed the last couple of days I would say that the man is going to be completely devoted to you and to makin' you happy."

"For now." Dean said petulantly.

"What do you mean 'For now'?"

Dean wished he had never said anything. He didn't want to talk about this. "Ellen, please. Don't make me talk about this."

"Dean, you won't talk to Sam or Bobby. You won't talk to Missouri...and you barely talk to Castiel. So, now you have me. Listen, I thought it might be easier for you to open up to another sub. You know? If not me, then maybe Jo?"

Dean shook his head. "She would be as bad as Sam...she is too much like a sister. But then again you are like my mom so..."

"So you feel like you can't talk to anyone."

"Whatever I tell you, Bobby or Sam will just demand that you tell them what I said." Dean winced when he seen the look of outrage come across her face.

"Dean, you listen to me and you listen good. Whatever you say here stays between us. Bobby may be my Dom, but I have a mind of my own. He may ask me what we have talked about, but I can one hundred percent guarantee you that when I tell that man that I can't tell him because that would be breaking your confidence and that I would rather be punished than break your trust like that, he will respect it. He won't demand I tell him anything. I would never betray you that way. Unless you told me something like...I don't know...you were planning to hurt yourself or kill yourself. Then I would have to say something, but I would never tell anyone anything you tell me in confidence."

"I believe you...but...um...whatifyouarewrong?" Dean rushed out.

"What if I am wrong? About what?" Ellen was obviously confused.

"What if...they make you anyway because they are Dom's. Dom's are the ones in...control. You won't have any choice but to tell him." Dean couldn't even look at Ellen as he spoke. He knew that he was giving away too much, but...he knew she was right. If he continued to let this crap fester in his mind, he would go crazy. Like bat-shit, throwing crap around the room again, crazy.

"No choice but to tell him?" Ellen all but whispered as she looked at him quizzically. Dean could visibly tell when Ellen understood more than he wanted her to, and he suddenly wished that he had kept his mouth shut.

"Oh, hon. I would never tell him what you tell me in confidence. He would never make me either. You think that being a sub means no choice? Michael was the exception...not the rule. I don't know what all happened to you, but I can tell you that it wasn't the norm."

Dean thought for a minute about what she was saying, and even if it was true something was still bothering him. "I never see you argue."

"Dean, just because you never see us argue doesn't mean that we don't." Ellen sighed as she contemplated how to best explain. "We do argue sometimes, but out of respect for him and our relationship we don't disagree in front of others. While a Dom protects and provides for their sub, a sub also provides and protects their Dom. We just do it in different ways. Both dynamics have their strengths and weaknesses."

Dean looked at her as he took in what she said. "What in the world is a Dom's weakness?"

Ellen just smiled as she answered. "Dean, you will always be each other's weakness, but you will also be each other strength. That is the beauty of how the relationships between the two dynamics work, especially in a bonded relationship." She leaned forward for the next part. "Now, if you don't remember anything else remember this...you have the power to build your Dom up and you have the power to tear that Dom down...and likewise. Choose to build each other up. Choose to talk to Castiel. Choose to get to know him. You have a choice. The choices before you may be A, B or C, and sometimes we want to choose D, none of the above. In the end, you still have a choice. You just have to reorder your thinking a bit. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"You are trying to tell me that I have a choice, even if the options aren't there that I wanted, I still get some choices. I just have to look at it differently." Dean spoke quietly to his hands as they played with the blanket over his lap.

"Exactly! Dean, get to know Castiel. I am positive that he would follow you to heaven or the depths of hell to make you happy." Ellen was grinning at him proudly.

Dean whispered. "I will try."

"That is my boy. Anytime you need to talk, you let me know. Well, I am going to go let Joanna Beth in now. She was waiting for us to talk for a bit before coming in."

Dean really wanted some time alone to reflect on his conversation with Ellen, but he also thought that it would be nice to see Jo. He hasn't really talked to her much since he came home. He really hadn't talked to anyone much. Ellen hugged him. "Think about what I said. I will talk to you soon." She kissed his forehead and headed out of his room. Dean took in a deep breath as he found himself alone for a couple of minutes. He thought about the conversation with Ellen. He trusted very few people in his life. He trusted Sam with his life. Same for Bobby and Ellen. They were like parents to him. Jo was like a sister so he trusted her. Or at least he thought that he did. Things were so different now. He was different now. He didn't even know how to be himself anymore. He wasn't even sure if he knew who he was now. He couldn't understand why it was so difficult to just fall back into the before-Michael-Dean.

He heard the door open and watched as Jo peeked her head around the door. He smiled at her because he really was genuinely happy to see her. She walked over to him and gave him a hug. She looked like she had tears in her eyes, but he didn't comment. He knew she wouldn't appreciate it. "Hi, Dean! How are you?"

"I'm ok." When she looked at him with a look that only a sister could give he added..."I am doing better than I was."

"Well, when you get out I want us to spend a day together. Remember when we used to go play paint ball?" He realized in that moment how much he missed Jo.

"Yeah. Those were fun times, weren't they?"

"Yep. You need to come out to The Roadhouse and play some pool and darts. Sam and I play quite often, but I always loved watching you play. Remember how we used to joke around about driving across the country hustling people in pool and darts to make money as we just traveled from one town to the next?" Jo's grin was contagious.

"Yeah, but now that we both are subs we can't do that." Dean's grin faded.

"Oh, Dean. We all had dreams. Doesn't mean that we can't still take our Dom's out on the open road and have a little fun." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"I don't know if Castiel would enjoy something like that...Would Benny? I guess he would. He used to joke around with us about it." Dean was staring at the ceiling as he thought back to simpler times when he was sure he was going to present as a Dom.

"I think Benny would be up for that. He said he was going to come by later. He has missed his best friend, Dean." Jo's voice was soft as she spoke. "He tried looking for you after you left, but it was like you had just disappeared." She nodded when Dean turned to her with his eyebrows high on his forehead like a silent 'really?'

"I know you felt you needed to go and all, but I just wanted to let you know that we all missed you."

"I know. I can tell...and I am glad I came back. But...being home. Being back here. It is just hard. I don't feel like...well, I remember how I was, you know? And I am different now. I feel like everyone is expecting me to be that person and...I don't know how to be that person anymore, Jo. I don't know if I will ever be able to be that person again and...and...I...feel like I am letting everyone down because. Of...that." Dean was looking out the window again. He thought about how he was talking to Jo and..."Huh.." He turned and looked at Jo. "I told your mom that I didn't want to open up to you because you were like my sister...and here I am word vomiting all this crap to you." He smiled as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back on his pillow.

Jo had tears in her eyes again and her voice sounded watery when she spoke after clearing her throat. "Dean, we all love you. I love you. You...are like my big brother. You were...are...my best friend. It doesn't matter to me what dynamic you are, that will never change. You, me, and Benny were inseparable and after you left, it was so hard. Benny and I just want to help you. And so what if you aren't the same. None of us are. We all change, and that is ok. Ok?"

"Yeah, Jo." Dean hated that his eyes were watery too. Like couldn't he get through a freaking day without having waterworks?

"I don't think you actually get it yet, Dean, but you will in time. We don't have to know the details of what happened, but we all know that what happened shaped who you are and we love you regardless." Dean just nodded. If he spoke he would probably ball like a baby, and he was trying to hold it together.

"So how exactly did you and Benny end up together?" Dean wanted to change the subject, and was grateful when Jo let him.

"Well, as you know Benny's birthday was right before yours so we all knew that he was a Dom. We understood that was hard for you knowing that your best friend was a Dom when you presented as a sub. After you left town, it was just Benny and me. We...comforted each other I guess. Then I had my birthday, and no surprise that I presented as a sub. I pretty much knew that I would. The first time Benny came over after I presented...well, let's just say he grabbed my arm and pulled me in for a hug that traumatized my mom and Bobby." She turned fifty shades of red. Hell, Dean turned fifty shades of red in embarrassment sympathy because after his display with Castiel he could just imagine how embarrassing it was for Jo to do that in front of parents! HOLY COW!

"Yep. So, even though I wasn't of age yet...the bond didn't care about age. The bond was there so...we have been together ever since." Jo grinned as she finished even though she was still flushed.

"I'm glad you have someone that you knew. That you have history with. You know, not a stranger." Dean was happy for them.

"Ok. It wasn't all rainbows and unicorns, Dean. We may have had history and knew each other but we had a difficult time at first because we were best friends turned soul mates. It wasn't an easy transition. I know that they say everything is awesome once you find your soul mate, and for the most part it was great. It was just little things that suddenly changed. Like...his protectiveness. And at time possessiveness. There were times I just wanted to hang out like we used to, but he would get jealous if someone wanted to play pool with me. Little stuff like that. You know, that wasn't a big deal before, but suddenly there was a bond there. So, yeah. It took some getting used to but we worked it out." Jo grabbed Dean's hand. "You and Castiel will work things out too. Eventually. No, you will. You think not having history is a bad thing, but I think it may be a good thing. He didn't know you before, Dean. He has no expectations...and I am sorry if the rest of us didn't realize that we were expecting you to be the same." Jo looked like she was ashamed.

"Thanks, Jo. I am glad that you came by...and talked to me. Would you mind coming by again soon? Um...I think I may get to go home tomorrow. They were waiting on the meds to stabilize me...or Castiel to work magic or something." Dean was sure that he looked hopeful and tried not to appear desperate.

Jo hugged him. "Of course. You ain't getting rid of me so easy."

XXXXX

Dean felt better after Jo left. He knew Castiel was going to be back soon. He knew the Dom wouldn't leave him alone for long, but Dean was thankful to have a few minutes to himself so he could think about his conversations with Ellen and Jo. Surprisingly, he opened up to Jo in a way that he hadn't thought possible. She really was like his sister, and he smiled as he thought about her and Benny together. They were perfect for each other really. Who would have thought that his sister and his best friend would be soul mates...hey, that definitely made Benny family now.

He felt better, which was probably a combination of the meds, his visits with Ellen and Jo, and as much as it pained him to say...his bond with Castiel. The Dom was nothing but nice and went out of his way to make Dean happy and comfortable. They sat in silence most of the time, and at times the silence was awkward. Maybe it was time for Dean and Cas to get to know each other. Cas? Yeah. That suited the Dom.

Dean fell into a peaceful sleep with a small smile on his face.

A/N: Whew! A chapter in one day...I haven't edited it so I may edit it later if it needs it, but I loved the chapter so much that I couldn't wait to share it with you guys. :)


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Gotta start somewhere...

Dean tried watching the medical drama reruns that were on, but he couldn't concentrate on the show. He glanced over at the Dom sitting by his bed reading a book about bee keeping and wondered how he was going to try to get to know this man if he couldn't even bring himself to speak to him. He wasn't able to start a conversation to save his life. He was pathetic. Michael trained him not to speak unless he was spoken to first and even though he didn't think Cas was going to be angry with him if he talked to him first, it was difficult to break a habit that was so ingrained in him. If something wasn't said soon Dean wasn't going to have a lower lip any longer and his cover was going to be frayed all to pieces.

He needed to stop sighing because every time he sighed Cas would glance over at him causing him to freeze as he pretended to be engrossed in the TV show.

"Dean. What is wrong?" Cas' low gravelly voice broke the silence between them.

"Um, nothing. Nothing is wrong." Dean was shaking his head and trying to look as believing as possible. Dean winced internally as he realized he forgot to tack on the respectful sir at the end. He corrected his mistake. "Nothing is wrong, Sir."

"Dean, I have heard you sigh repeatedly and you aren't going to have a lip left the way you are gnawing on it. Plus that poor blanket needs a break from your manhandling. So, I repeat. What is wrong?"

That intense stare with those blue eyes bore into Dean as he tried not to panic as he thought about what he wanted to say. Or not to say. Maybe if he just remained quiet Cas would go back to reading about bees.

Cas just kept watching him. It was very disconcerting.

"I was just...thinking." Cas just kept watching him as if he was waiting for him to continue. "You know...about my conversation with Ellen and Jo. They wanted to...talk. About...sub stuff. Yeah. Stuff you wouldn't understand." Cas raised an eyebrow. "I mean. You are a Dom. You know you are a Dom. I don't have to tell you that. But I am a sub. Well, you know that too. What I mean is that since we subs talked about sub stuff and since you are a Dom...you wouldn't...understand." Dean whispered that last part. Still Cas just continued to look at him except...both eyebrows were raised now. "We were just catching up really." Shut up, Dean! "And they both thought I needed to get to know you better. Please say something, because I am just rambling now and I don't want to get into trouble but you are are just staring at me...and I really need to shut up." Dean finally stopped his ramble and squeezed his eyes closed. His fists were clenched around the blanket in his lap. Don't look at his eyes. Don't look. You need to shut up, so don't look at his eyes. Why doesn't he say something?

"Dean, please look at me." Dean shook his head. No way was he looking at him. There was no telling what he would say next. Damn it. This was just embarrassing. Apparently Cas had the power to made Dean spill all the beans.

"Dean, I want you to look at me when I speak to you please." Cas' was insistent. Dean slowly opened his eyes and turned toward Cas. "Thank you, Dean." Cas leaned forward. "Dean, I understand how difficult it is for you to discuss things and if they helped you then I am glad for that. If you don't want to tell me what you discussed then I respect that. I won't lie about being happy that they encouraged you to get to know me. I want that. We have to get to know each other. As we get to know each other, you will learn to trust me as I learn about you. At some point, once you trust me more we will have to discuss your triggers. This relationship will not progress romantically until I am sure that I have an excellent understanding of your triggers." Dean swallowed as he listened to Cas refer to a romantic relationship between them. "Do you understand, Dean?" Dean nodded. He did understand. He understood perfectly. He was going to have to talk about his time with Michael. He was going to have to tell Cas all about the stuff that Dean would rather forget.

Cas' face softened. "Dean, I won't make you tell me right now. I want you to tell me in your own time. I won't promise not to push you, because I know your past is something that you will never want to talk about and you will probably have to be pushed to discuss it. I will promise to be respectful and to always have your best interest at heart. Always."

"Will you punish me?" Dean couldn't believe he asked that even if it was softly whispered.

Cas frowned slightly. "Dean, what you experienced...I am positive it went beyond punishment, or discipline for that matter, and into abuse and torture territory. Everything that happens in our relationship will be built upon trust and respect...even discipline if it is needed. I know you don't believe that now, but you will over time."

"How will you do that?"

"Over time, my actions will show you that you can trust me."

Dean shook his head. "I mean, how will you punish me?"

"Oh, Dean." Cas shook his head as if he was finally understanding how scared Dean was of possible future punishments. "I won't know that until I know your triggers, but I promise you that I will always respect you and your safeword if you ever choose to use it."

"Safewords don't work."

Cas looked horrified for a second before he schooled his features into a blank expression. "Dean, a safeword will work with me." When Dean looked at Cas, he continued. "I also hope that I never do anything that will cause you to use your safeword."

"Me, too." Dean felt something bloom in his chest. He thought the feeling was hope.

There was a knock on the door, and Benny stuck his head around the door after Cas called out for whoever it was to come on in.

"Hey. I hope I am not interrupting anything." Benny was watching them both as he tentatively walked further into the room.

Dean started to say something before Cas stopped him. "Benny, it is fine. I am sure that Dean would enjoy your company for a bit. Dean, while you visit with Benny I will go run a few errands. Would you like for me to bring you something back?"

Dean bit his lip for a second before replying. "Would you...could you bring me burger back? Please?"

"Absolutely. I will return in a couple of hours." After waving to them both, he closed the door behind him.

Dean hasn't talked to Benny alone since he returned. They were best friends at one time. Before Dean left. Benny was someone that Dean used to talk to about everything. He never judged Dean for anything. Now after all this time, Dean wasn't sure what to expect.

"Castiel seems like a nice guy." Benny sat in the chair beside Dean. "I've met him a couple of times in the last few days. Everyone seems to like him."

"Yeah. He has been nice so far." Dean was nervous for some reason.

"You don't think that will continue?" Benny never was one to beat around the bush.

Dean just looked at Benny. He wanted to be honest, but at the same time this man that used to be his best friend was a Dom. He felt as though he could trust him. The Benny he used to know didn't care about dynamics. Plus, he was with Jo. They were family.

But what if Benny told what Dean said in here out of some Dom solidarity code or some shit like that. Would that trump bro code?

"Whatever you say stays between us, brother. I won't even tell Jo." Dean felt the tension he had been feeling unclench as he looked at his former best friend. He wondered how their friendship would be now? Dean cleared his throat before speaking.

"I don't know what to think, Benny. I...want to trust him, but I just keep thinking about all the ways it could go wrong." Dean watched as Benny nodded.

"I understand. Trust is earned, brother." Benny took off his cap and rubbed his hair back before returning the cap to his head.

"Yeah. It is. So...you and Jo?" Dean hoped Benny would let him change the subject.

"Oh, man. That was a situation. Jo..." Dean watched as Benny's expression changed to one of love and...awe? "Jo is just wonderful. I love her so damned much, and I can't imagine not having her in my life, you know? Anyway, she is a little spitfire. That ain't changed, but I also wouldn't have her any other way." Dean listened as Benny pretty much repeated the same account that Jo did earlier about how they got together except from a Dom's point of view. Benny explained how difficult it was to go from best friends to feeling totally responsible for Jo: mind, body, and soul. Benny seemed to understand that he wanted to know more about how Dom's think so he elaborated. He described how strong the protective instinct was and how that leads to a possessive attitude. It wasn't so much that he viewed Jo as his property. It was that she was his to protect and to provide for, and to fail at that was absolutely inexcusable. He said that he wasn't a parent yet, but that he supposed it was much like how a parent feels responsible for the well-being of their child. Benny laughed and wiggled his eyebrows as he continued. "Not that my feelings toward her are paternal, if you get my meaning."

"Dude. That is...she is like my sister." Dean was trying not to have any visuals...

"I know, I know...Anyway, my point was to tell you how a Dom thinks and feels. Instincts are strong. Especially with soulmates."

"Well, my experience has taught me differently." Dean was frustrated. With Ellen, Jo, Cas, and now Benny, he has been talking way too much today. Revealing too much.

"Your experience was not normal, brother. Seriously. I don't know what all you went through, and you don't have to tell me...but it wasn't normal. Not at all." Benny was shaking his head. "As a Dom, I have no idea what it is like to be a sub. I ain't even going to pretend to know. I will say this, though. The fact that Jo places all her trust in me, trusts that I will always do what I think is best for her. No better feeling in the world than knowing that she loves me so much that she does what she can to please me." Benny smiles brightly as he looks like he is thinking about something far away.

"And what if she doesn't? Then what?" Dean didn't want to think about Benny punishing Jo.

"Dean, rarely does she do something that displeases me. I also don't expect her to be perfect, just like she doesn't expect perfection from me. Dean, it isn't that she is doing everything just to please me. She is her own person. Because I love her so much, and I know her so well, I don't expect the impossible from her. I know what she likes and what she doesn't. Sure, sometimes I make decisions that she doesn't agree with, but I always consider her point of view when making the decisions." Benny was serious now as he leaned forward. "Listen, I am going to tell you a secret that most Dom's wouldn't dare admit to because I think you need to hear it. Every decision that I make is weighed more heavily by what I know Jo will want and what will benefit her the most than by what I want. Their is a misconception that Dom's are just selfish Alpha types when in reality, we are just big softies for our subs. Yeah, we make the decisions, but the consequences for those decisions are on us too. If our decision hurts our subs, then the guilt we feel is...well, let's just say that when I let Jo down I will do just about anything to make it up to her. If given the chance, I would be willing to bet that Castiel would move Heaven and hell to protect you and give you whatever you want."

Dean looked skeptical. "You really think so?"

"Brother, that is what I would do for Jo. So, yeah. I really think so."

Dean thought about his conversation with Benny after the man had left. He had to get to The Roadhouse for the evening shift. Everyone's opinion was to give Cas chance. It helped hearing Benny talk about how Dom's felt. He thought about how it would be to be loved as much as Benny described. Could Cas love him like that? Would Cas be able to love Dean like that once he knew all the things he was forced to do because he wasn't strong enough to fight back or leave?

xxxxx

Dean took advantage of his time alone to shower. He stayed in the shower much longer than he had intended because he got lost in his thoughts. He was settling back into his bed when Cas arrived carrying a bag that smelled so good it had Dean's mouth watering.

"Hello, Dean. Did you have a nice visit with Benny?" Cas was carefully setting all the food out onto the movable cart tray table thingy. Dean watched in fascination as Cas arranged Dean's food for him and struck a straw in his drink. Cas sat on the other side of the tray thingy and unfolded a napkin for his lap.

"Yes. It was nice to see him again." Dean watched Cas arrange his own food. He thought about what Benny had said about a Dom providing and protecting their sub. Was that kind of what Cas was doing when he was arranging Dean's food?

"Good. I assumed you were ready to eat." Cas nodded toward Dean's food in a way that said for Dean to eat. Dean nodded as he hesitantly picked up his burger as he watched as Cas picked up his. "Well, then let's eat." Dean lifted his burger to his mouth, but waited until Cas actually took a bit before he bit into his own. Cas moaned as he chewed. "This burger is heavenly."

Dean felt the blush over his face as he nodded in agreement. He couldn't help but think back to the other day when Cas touched him for the first time. He picked up his drink and took a huge sip as he tried to stop the desire from pooling in his groin. He was embarrassed by this orgasmic episode the other day and he wondered what it would be like to actually have someone touch him there. Stop thinking about that and eat your damn burger.

Once they were finished and everything was cleaned up, they settled in to watch TV. Well, Dean pretended to watch TV. Cas was still sitting on the edge of the bed and was about to get up.

"Cas?" Oh, shitshitshit. "Um...Castiel. Sorry." Dean rubbed the back of his neck.

"Dean, it is ok. I like Cas." Dean looked at Cas. The Dom was smiling fondly at Dean. "Were you needing something?"

Dean felt stupid. He couldn't even believe he was even going to suggest what he wanted to suggest. "Dean, what is it?" Cas was looking at him with concern.

"Um, we haven't touched since that...moment. The other day." OhmyGod, OhmyGod...shut up!

Cas' head tilted as he watched Dean. "We haven't."

Dean was embarrassed. "Just forget it."

"Dean, were you wanting me to touch you?" Cas' expression was neutral as he watched Dean.

"I was...just wondering. If it would do what it did the other day. If you touched me again?" Dean cleared his throat.

Cas studied Dean for a moment before replying. "Dean, I only think it was for the first time. I don't think it would be as...profound as that first touch."

Dean just nodded and swallowed as he leaned back on the bed. He watched as Cas moved the table on wheels. Cas looked at Dean for a moment. His eyes narrowed slightly. "Dean, would you mind if I reclined on the bed and watched TV with you? If at any point you are uncomfortable, please tell me and I will move to the chair."

Dean watched Cas warily trying to decide what he wanted. He wanted to get to know Cas, and he wanted to feel safe and loved, but the thought of it all terrified him. They stared at each other for a long moment and without looking away from Cas' eyes Dean moved over in the bed to give Cas room. Cas settled in beside him. It was awkward, but Dean liked feeling the heat from Cas' body along his even if Cas was above the covers. Over the course of the night, they both shifted slightly toward each other. Eventually Cas' arm moved behind Dean as he snuggled up to Cas. Within moments Dean was asleep as Cas gently held him.

XXXXX

A/N: Sorry it took so long for an update. I had work related stuff going on and then a kid playing in a baseball all-stars tournament, so my time to write has been limited. I was determined to get a chapter out this weekend though. Honestly, after the last chapter I struggled with how to get Cas and Dean started. Like for real started. Just so you know, there will still be some bumps. Not quite smooth sailing yet. However, you gotta start somewhere. Plus, I was ready for them to have a moment. I apologize for any mistakes since I haven't edited it in my haste to get it uploaded. :) Thanks for reading! xoxo


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 One Moment at a Time...

Castiel was having trouble sleeping and looked over at the clock for what felt like the thousandth time in 5 minutes. Dean had left released from the hospital earlier that day and after getting him settled back at home Castiel had headed home. It didn't feel right leaving, but he was also unsure about staying. Sam had said he could, and Castiel thought Dean wouldn't mind but he was also hesitant. He didn't want to do anything to make Dean uncomfortable especially after making some progress with him. Dean was definitely a cuddle bug, but Castiel would never say anything because he could tell that it embarrassed Dean every time they snuggled together. After that first time snuggling up together, Dean would just scoot over in the bed in a silent plea for Castiel to get into the bed with him. Castiel knew his trouble sleeping was due to the fact that he loved snuggling up to Dean and during the week it took for Dean to be discharged, Castiel got used to sleeping with Dean. He was worried that his sub was having the same problem.

Would Dean call if he needed Castiel? He wasn't sure that he would. No. He knew Dean would suffer through it before admitting he needed his Dom.

XXXXX

Dean was having trouble sleeping. He stared at the clock for a long time just watching time slowly tick by. He turned over away from the clock, but after what seemed like an hour had only been like 5 minutes when Dean finally caved and looked at the clock again.

He was tempted to throw the damn clock across the room and smash it to bits. The only thing really stopping him from doing it was that he knew Sam would be in his room in 10 seconds flat with a sad look of disappointment or some crap on his face.

Dean really didn't want to see Sam's puppy dog eyes at 1 am in the morning. He also didn't want to admit to Sam that he was having trouble sleeping because then he would tell Castiel. And. No. He didn't want Castiel to know he was so used to sleeping with him now that he couldn't sleep now. Dean missed having Castiel curved along his back. The way Castiel held him like he was something precious...

Dean squeezed his eyes shut. He needed to shut his brain up for a while until he went to sleep. Apparently, he needed the sleep meds but he couldn't make his body move. He wasn't able to shut his brain off but his body was too tired to move out of the bed. Maybe counting sheep would work.

One sheep, two sheep, three sheep, four sheep, five sheep, I wonder if Castiel is asleep?

Focus!

Six sheep, seven sheep, I bet he is sleeping like a baby.

I suck. I can't even count freaking sheep!

Maybe if I count backwards...

99 sheep, 98 sheep, 97 sheep. Counting sheep is dumb. Who thought counting sheep would help someone fall asleep? 

Dean sat up in bed and glanced around the room. He was going to go downstairs and take a sleeping pill. Quietly. He didn't want to wake up his moose of a brother. He threw back the covers and started toward the door. As he looked into the hall, he was grateful that Sam had placed night lights all through the house. Dean wished he wasn't such a wuss about the dark, but after the pit he was unable to just be in the dark without having flashbacks and panic attacks. Maybe one day he would overcome that particular fear. He tiptoed out into the hall and toward the stairs leading downstairs. Very carefully he stepped down each step cringing when a couple of them creaked. Why was it when you were trying to be quiet that everything seemed to be so stinking loud?

Once he made it to the bottom of the steps, he turned toward the kitchen. Walking silently into the kitchen, he grabbed a glass and turned on the tap. Damn. Even the water was loud. He looked through his pill bottles and found the ones he was looking for, and took one as he gulped the entire glass of water down with it. He placed the glass in the sink. He turned to go back to his room when he totally didn't girly scream at Sam.

Sam had that look. The one that would melt the heart of Death himself. Well, shit.

"Dean, are you ok?"

Dean looked at the floor. "Yeah...um...I was just...thirsty. And I couldn't sleep. So, I came down to get a drink." He looked up and Sam was still staring at him. Patiently staring as he waited. Dean caved. "I also took some medicine. Because I couldn't sleep." Great. Now Sam would definitely tell Castiel that he was having trouble sleeping and then he would figure out that Dean was missing him. Dean hated this.

Sam cleared his throat. "It's ok, Dean. I just wanted to make sure you were ok when I heard you coming down the stairs." Sam walked over to the cabinet and grabbed a glass for himself. After drinking down a glass of water, he headed toward the stairs again. Dean just followed. Sam stopped at his room before going in and watched as Dean headed toward his own room. "Night, Dean. Let me know if you need anything, ok?" Dean nodded as he whispered back to Sam, "Sure thing, Sam."

Dean walked over to his bed and tossed and turned for a bit before he got comfortable. His thoughts drifted back to Castiel as the medicine kicked in luring him gently to sleep.

XXXXX

Castiel sat at the table with Sam and listened as he described waking up last night to find Dean taking sleep medicine during the night. Which was why Dean was still sleeping in this morning. Castiel was somewhat relieved he wasn't the only one that had difficulty falling asleep while also feeling a sense of failure that he had let his sub down by not being there when he needed him. Castiel told Sam about his own trouble sleeping and when Sam suggested that he go on up to Dean and take a nap he decided that was a good plan.

He walked into Dean's room to find him curled up in the bed sleeping peacefully. Of course, the sleeping meds were helping with the peaceful part. Cas carefully closed his door and stripped out of his shoes and pants. He opted to leave on his shirt and boxers. Since it was well into daylight hours, Castiel turned off the lamp Dean was using for a night light and slipped into bed behind Dean. He snuggled up close to Dean and was asleep within minutes.

When Castiel stirred, he could tell Dean was awake from his breathing. He rubbed his hand up Dean's chest and moved in to breath his scent at the nape of his neck. Dean's heart sped up. Castiel could feel it racing beneath his palm. "Do you want me to get up, Dean?" He didn't want to cause Dean any stress or fear. He felt Dean shake his head no. "Dean, I won't be mad or upset if you need me to move." Again, Dean shook his head no except this time he grabbed Castiel's hand and moved back in a way that caused Castiel to wrap more tightly around Dean. Castiel smiled gently at the knowledge that his sub wanted him to stay wrapped around him. Castiel thought he would try pushing Dean just a little. "Dean, I want you to know that I love sleeping with you. Do you like sleeping with me?" Dean tensed for a moment before he nodded. "Dean, could you please answer me verbally?" Dean turned his face into his pillow. Even though it was muffled it was clear what Dean said.

"I do."

Castiel squeezed him tightly for a moment. "Thank you for answering me, Dean." Castiel rubbed Dean's chest for a moment and continued to breathe in his wonderful scent. "I don't want to sleep without you, Dean. I didn't sleep much at all last night. I know it was because I didn't have you with me. Did you sleep well last night?" Dean shook his head no, then stopped suddenly as he seemed to remember that he was supposed to be answering verbally. "No, sir."

"Do you want me to stay with you here until you move into my house?" Castiel had to force himself to breathe as he waited for Dean's answer.

"Yes, sir." Dean's reply was barely audible as he whispered it into his pillow, but Castiel felt overwhelming emotions fall over him as he held his sub tighter. For the first time, Castiel really felt as though Dean would eventually trust him completely. He just had to take it a moment at a time and show Dean through his actions that he was trustworthy and worthy of everything Dean had to give. Castiel knew it would take time and patience, but he also knew that having Dean's love and complete trust would make it all worth it.

XXXXX

Dean woke a second time feeling well rested and safe nestled in the arms of his Dom. He wasn't sure if he could trust the feeling, but he really wanted to believe that Castiel truly was a good Dom. Dean thought about their conversation from earlier. He hadn't wanted to admit to wanting to sleep with Castiel, but he was unable to lie to him. Castiel still had Dean wrapped up in his arms and was pressed up behind him. Dean flushed when he realized that Castiel was hard as he was nestled up behind Dean's ass. He didn't dare move, but at the same time he became aware of everywhere Castiel was touching him. His breath on his neck, his chest on his back, his arm draped over Dean's body, his hand oh Lord, his hand was over his chest and his fingers were lightly covering his nipple. Dean's breathing became unsteady as he imagined what it would be like to feel those fingers pinch and caress his nipples. His cock hardened as he continued to think about how it would feel to be touched by Castiel.

Dean wanted to touch his erection, but he didn't dare move. Be still. Be good. Be still. Be good. He chanted a mantra in his head over and over again. He felt Castiel's hips press into his ass but he stayed as still as he could as he repeated the mantra in his head. Castiel's hand twitched like he was going to touch his nipple deliberately. Dean felt Castiel place a gentle kiss to the back of his neck. "Dean, may I please touch you? I promise I will stop whenever you want." Dean was nodding yes before Castiel even finished speaking and gasped loudly when he felt Castiel's fingers brush over his nipple. He repeated the motion over and over again until Dean was begging "please" over and over, but he had no idea what he was begging for and then he realized he was moving his hips trying to find relief for his aching cock.

"What do you want, Dean?" Castiel whispered into his ear in that gravelly voice and Dean wanted to come so badly in that moment that he whimpered as he held his orgasm back. Who knew that being touched could feel so good? All Dean could do was shake his head because he couldn't think. He didn't know what he wanted. Only that he needed Castiel to do something. 

He was aware of Castiel asking him a question, but he couldn't focus. He felt Castiel's hand drift lower toward his waistband and when he asked if he could touch him there Dean whimpered out a "yes, please."

Castiel moved his hand slowly until he firmly held Dean in his hand for the first time. It felt so good. It was so much different than his own hand, and he wasn't sure he was going to be able to hold back. He was going to beg even though he didn't want to...it reminded him of..."please, let me come, let me come, please, let me come, sir. Please."

Castiel began to move his hand as he quickly settled on a rhythm. Dean continued to beg, but he didn't have to wait long because the second Castiel spoke "Come for me, Dean," he exploded over Castiel's hand in an orgasm that was more intense than any he had ever had by his own hand. He could feel himself drifting in that post orgasmic state that he has never been able to achieve on his own, but had always heard about when he realized with a start that his Dom was still very hard behind him. He must have tensed up because Castiel rubbed his arm. "Shh. You don't worry about me. I wanted to take care of you. Rest now, then we will get up and get you something to eat."

And Dean obeyed...

XXXXX

Thanks to everyone for having patience with me and this fic. You know the saying that when it rains, it pours. Well, that has been my life for the last couple of months. I won't bore you with the details. Anyway, I am not abandoning this fic so don't worry about that. This chapter is shorter than the rest, but I just wanted to POST something. I was also ready for some major feels...so this is what happened.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Thank you all for being patient with me. I literally want to bang my head on the the table for allowing myself to wait so long between posts. All I can say was that I was kind of stuck on how to proceed and then I went through a season of funk. I won't bore you with the details of that...

I hope you enjoy this chapter. I enjoyed writing it. :) Oh, and sorry for any mistakes. Hopefully there aren't too many of those. If there are, kindly point those out and I will correct it. Thanks!

Without further ado...

Chapter 9 Dead Man Walking

Dean flipped bacon and gazed out the window in Cas' kitchen. His kitchen. Cas constantly reminded him that this house was now his home as much as it was Cas'. The last few weeks had flown by in a way even though there had been days that had dragged by endlessly. After a week of being at Uncle Bobby's, they had officially moved Dean to Castiel's house. Of course, Dean didn't have a whole lot of belongings so it really just consisted of a couple of duffle bags.

He started to work on the pancakes he was making for their breakfast as he thought about how scared he had been to move. He had just known that being in Cas' home would be when the true Cas would reveal himself.

So far, that hasn't been the case. Cas has been the same since the very beginning. Patient. Kind.

Selfless.

Dean was actually starting to believe that Cas really was who he seemed to be. That his goodness was true and not some act to gain Dean's trust. He still worried that it was all some elaborate game that the Dom was playing to gain Dean's trust only to use and abuse him.

Dean enjoyed cooking. So far, Cas had allowed him to eat whatever he cooked. Only a few times had his stomach been upset, but Cas figured it was because Dean wasn't used to eating some of the more fatty foods. He had been on a pretty strict diet...no. Don't think of him. Think of something else. Something else. Anything else.

Hamburgers. He absolutely loved hamburgers. He was pretty good at grilling them too. Dean didn't think he could eat too many of them. Cas also loved eating the burgers. Dean flushed with heat as he thought about the butterflies he gets in his belly whenever Cas compliments his culinary skills.

Hell, who was he kidding. Anytime Cas complimented him he got those damn butterflies. It was damn embarrassing what a little bit of praise from Cas would do to Dean...and what was even more embarrassing was that Cas seemed to know it.

Dean was plating breakfast when Cas walked in from his morning shower. He walked over to Dean and touched his face with the back of his hand before leaning forward to kiss his cheek. Dean felt like goo everytime Cas did that.

"Breakfast smells wonderful, Dean." Damn butterfies. Before Dean could reply, Cas continued as he motioned toward a chair. "Please sit." It was a smaill table and usually sat across from each other. It made Dean uncomfortable because it was harder to avoid those searing blue eyes. Dean swore that Cas could see his very soul with that gaze of his. He sat with his hands in his lap and waited for Cas to get settled. Cas took a bite of his eggs, and motioned toward Dean in a manner that Dean took for permission to eat.

He knew he didn't need permission to eat from Cas. They had discussed it, but in the end Cas understood that some things Dean just needed. Cas had just said that he understood and said something about time and baby steps that Dean can't really remember because he was just relieved that Cas understood his need for permission.

"Dean, I don't want to upset your routine but beginning tonight prior to bed I would like to do something different."

Dean has sort of developed a routine during the last couple of weeks, and that routine grounded him. He needed to know how his day was going to go before he started it, and he was glad that Cas understood that too. Dean did the same things every day at the same time. It was just how he did things. Now Cas was wanting to add something before bed. Whatever it was he would do it. Dean knew this day was coming.

Cas put down his fork, took a drink of his orange juice, and wiped his mouth with his napkin. "Dean, please don't be alarmed. I promise you that nothing more will happen between us until we have established clearly what your soft and hard limits are." Dean released pent up breath that he didn't even realize he was holding. "You have to understand though that we have to actually talk about things in order for me to learn what those limits are. Which is what I would like for us to do tonight. So tonight when you go upstairs to do you nightly bedtime routine, instead of getting in bed like you have been doing, I want you do try something different." Dean gulped. "It is your choice and whatever you choose to do I will be pleased with either way. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Dean was glad his voice came out stronger than he felt. This was the moment he had been waiting for; then moment when his Dom would demonstrate who he really was.

Cas smiled gently at Dean. It was like he knew what Dean was thinking. "Remember this is your choice. How you choose will please me no matter what, and if you choose differently tomorrow night at bedtime then I will be pleased with that choice as well. Instead of getting into bed, I want you to wait for me. You can do that one of two ways. You may sit in the chair in our room and wait for me. All I ask is that you do not lean back in the chair to ensure you do not fall asleep waiting for me." Dean was confused. He expected something...sexual. Of course, he had yet to tell Dean his other option.

"Or you may kneel." Dean's eyes shot up to Cas' because this was not what he was expecting. "You may use a pillow if you choose that option."

Dean shook his head, but not in refusal. He was just bewildered. Confused.

"Dean, listen to me. How you choose to wait for me tonight is completely up to you. If you choose to sit tonight then kneel tomorrow night, I will be completely ok with that. You will understand more tonight when we talk, and we will only be talking. Just know that I didn't tell you this right now for you to obssess over all day, even though I know that you will. I told you this so that you know what to expect tonight. I know how you value your routine."

Dean nodded as he looked down at his plate of barely touched food. His stomach was a bundle of nerves. "Yes, sir."

"I should have waited until after you ate your food to say something. I apologize if I have upset you. I promise that other than talking, nothing further will happen between us until we have establised clear limits."

Dean looked at Cas. He didn't see anything but strength and concern in the Dom's face. Dean knew that he was slowly learning to trust the Dom, but it was a process. A slow process. Over the last few weeks, Cas has continued to give Dean hand jobs upon waking in the mornings. Just thinking about those moments made Dean uncomfortably hard in his jeans. He as glad he was sitting at the table so Cas would not see.

Those hand jobs were like the greatest thing Dean had ever experienced. Waking up each morning with an orgasm that wasn't induced by his own hand was bliss. At first he was reluctant. He held back, but every time Cas coaxed that orgasm out of him with gentle touches and praise. Dean never came without having Cas' permission, but Cas always gave it to him. Every time. Cas realized after the first couple of times that Dean was holding back, trying not to beg, trying not to give Cas the satisfaction of knowing how his touch affected Dean. After that, Cas' started getting a little more demanding along with his praise. He wanted Dean to give him all his sounds and all his moans. Dean found himself giving in and then begging for release. Begging in a way that he never thought he would again, but it was different with Cas. The begging was like his very own praise for his Dom. Afterwards, Cas always cuddled him and never sought to relieve himself. Dean had felt guilty that his Dom was not getting his release, but Cas assured him that he was ok; that it was for Dean. He didn't understand it, though. Doms always came first. Literally and figuritively. Or so he had always thought.

Since he was getting the daily morning hand job, Dean wasn't as desperate for sexual release. However, he still couldn't reach orgasm on his own. He had tried a couple of times in the shower without success and was thankful he could blast the cold water from detachable shower head toward his cock in an effort to make it go away. He stopped trying and just lived with whatever sexual frustration he experienced now with the knowledge that the next morning he would be able to get off. After spending so much time with his own hand, he sort of enjoyed not touching himself at all now except out of neccessity. Cas was the only one touching his cock in a sexual manner. Somehow that thought just made him harder.

He still worried over what would happen if Cas decided to stop touching him. Dean thinks that he would die from blueballs because if Dean never orgasmed by his own hand again that would be just fine with him. He had given Cas control over his orgasms.

Cas controlled his orgasms.

Before he could panic over that thought, Cas started talking again. "Ok. So I see I have successfully freaked you out, which wasn't my intention. Dean, it is just a choice on how to wait for me and our discussion. That is it. We won't be discussing everything tonight either. It will be a process. OK?"

"Yes, sir...um it will be just a discussion about limits?"

"Yes, Dean." Cas watched Dean for a minute before nodding as though he decided on something. "Dean, I tell you what. You make your decision on how to wait for me tonight, answer a few questions for me, and I will reward you. Is that plan good with you?"

Dean wondered if he could come just from hearing Cas talk, because hearing Cas say he would give him a reward made his dick jump in his pants. "Yes, sir. That sounds good, sir."

Cas nodded. "Good. Now you need to finish eating Dean before you get started with the rest of your day."

Dean managed to eat slowly and waited for Cas to leave the table before he finally got up to clean up the kitchen with a raging hard on.

Somehow Dean didn't think it was going to go away anytime soon, but instead of it making him feel trapped, desperate, and frustrated in a bad way, it somehow felt good to be horny and sexually horny for a release that only Cas could give him. He accidently rubbed himself on the chair as he was cleaning up and then repeated the action deliberately before realizing that he was practically humping a chair pretending it was Cas' hand. He jumped away from the chair, took a deep breath, and asked himself what in the hell was wrong with him. When had he gone from dreading Cas' touch to craving it?

It was going to be a long day.

XXXXX

Castiel was going to die of blueballs regardless of all the times he got off in the shower. He started taking showers at night and in the morning just so he could jerk off in the shower. He was a Dom and should have more self control than that, but Dean had a way of testing that self control. He knew that Dean was beginning to trust him and he wanted to continue to foster that trust. After discussing everything with Missouri, she approved. She said she didn't have to know all the details, but felt that Castiel would know exactly how to proceed based on the needs of his sub. That was just how soul mates worked. She was more confident in his abilities than he was.

Cas just felt like he was going to screw something up by pushing Dean, but Missouri assured him that Dean would be able to take a little pushing if done correctly.

He had meant what he said about being pleased with however Dean chose to wait for him tonight. The idea in giving him a choice was to see where he was at in his trusting Cas.

A kneeling sub was a demonstration of trust and submission. He would be really surprised if Dean knelt for him tonight. He hoped they would get there in the future, but he was honest enough with himself to admit that having Dean kneel for him tonight would probably make him bypass the discussion and skip straight to the reward.

Of course, he gave Dean the choice of sitting. If Dean chooses that option, he will be happy too.

Ordinarily, the custom was for a sub to wait for their Dom naked but Cas knew Dean wasn't ready for that yet. It didn't stop the Dom from wishing that he would walk in to the bedroom tonight to a kneeling naked sub.

XXXXX

It had been a long day.

Dean had spend the entire day doing his usual routine of house cleaning and cooking. The idea of tonight was always on his mind. Every time he thought of the night ahead, he somehow pictured himself in the kneeling position. He had to make a special effort to think about sitting. It was rather concerning.

Did Dean want to kneel for Cas? He felt that he did, but he wondered if it was too soon. If he would regret it. He knew that once he knelt for Cas, that once he surrenderred to Cas in that way, there would be no going back.

He stressed over it all day. He had also been hard for most of the day thinking about his reward. He just had to make a decision and make it through some questions. Easier said than done.

The day had dragged by as he contemplated everything. They had at supper together, homemade burgers and fries, while watching an episode of the latest season of Dr. Sexy on Netflix. It was difficult to concentrate on the show when all he could think about was how the moment of decision was getting closer and closer. Dean cleaned up their mess once the episode was over and looked at the time. They had time for one more episode before Dean's usual shower and bedtime routine. He wasn't sure he was going to make it and knew that he had a cold shower in his future.

Their silence was awkward but it was heavy with the knowledge that something was going to change tonight. At least that was how Dean felt. He just wasn't sure if he was ready for it to change. He wished he could see his brother. He had left a couple of weeks ago for college and that had been so difficult for Dean, but Cas had been so comforting during that time. He missed his brother. It was hard having him leave when it seemed as though Dean just returned.

The episode ended with Dean not really knowing what had happened. Cas turned the TV off. "Dean, please go ahead and do what you need to while I go check emails and finish up a few things in my office. I will be up in about an hour so that should give you plenty of time, right?"

"Yes, sir." Dean nodded quickly.

Cas got up from the couch, touched Dean's cheek briefly before walking to his study.

Dean took a deep breath and made his way upstairs. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was headed toward his doom. He wondered if this is how people on death row felt. Dead man walking and all that. Then berated himself, because he wasn't losing his life. He was just taking a shower and waiting for his Dom.

He undressed and stepped into the hot shower after allowing it to heat up for a couple of minutes. He still avoided mirrors, and the steam from the shower always helped that.

He thought about what was going to follow the shower. His decision. Again, just like all day, the image of him kneeling came to mind. He shook his head even as his cock hardened at the thought of kneeling for his Dom. For the first time all day, the image was different. He was naked, where before he had always been in his sleep clothes. For a second he panicked. Was he supposed to be naked? Cas didn't say anything about stripping and waiting naked. Of course, he didn't say anything about clothes at all. Just to decide how to wait.

Was he supposed to be naked?

He decided that if Cas had wanted him naked he would have specified that.

Ignoring his hard on like usual, he picked up the shampoo and washed his hair. After that, he soaped up and rinsed off well. He never touched himself, but decided to wash there last. He soaped up and holy cow it felt good to touch himself. He thought he might explode if he continued to stroke his shaft. This was the closest to orgasm by his own hand that he had gotten since leaving Michael, but the desire to be brought to completion by his Dom outweighed the desperation to just get off. He took his hand off his erection and rinsed off. He contemplated turning the water on cold to get rid of his erection, but decided against it.

Before he could analyze that decision, he turned off the water quickly. He dried off as quickly as he could while avoiding his straining erection. Dean really hoped his reward was an orgasm. Just that thought made his cock twitch and he noticed a bead of precome at the end. He took his finger to the precome and wiped it off. He pulled on his clothes as carefully as he could but the movement against his cock made him bite back moans of pleasure and frustration.

He opened the door of the bathroom and headed toward their bedroom. He didn't hear Cas, but that was typical. He entered their bedroom and stood there contemplating his decision. Ever since this morning, he knew what his decision would be whether he was ready for it or not. With that terrifying thought, he just prayed that his Dom would know what to do and not hurt him.

He had the dead man walking thought again. He shook his head, because he wasn't dying.

He was just surrendering.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you have made it this far, then you've read all the warnings for this story. If you have made it this far, thanks for sticking with me. This story is like my baby. I think about it all the time, create chapters in my head while standing in the shower and lying awake at 2 am. I write, then rewrite when what I write doesn't flow the way I want. This story, these characters, are important to me. Thanks for sharing their journey toward happiness with me. The story is far from over. I still have a few chapters left. I just wanted to say thanks. Crap. This chapter has made me sappy. I love fluffy and loving Cas. Ok. I will stop now...

Chapter 10 Foreplay is important...

Castiel finished cleaning up and headed up the stairs. Ever since Dean had went upstairs Castiel's stomach had been in knots with worry. He felt as though he shouldn't have said anything to Dean about kneeling. That was such a dumb move on his part, even if he did give Dean the choice.

Would Dean even see it as a choice though, or would he kneel because he thought that was what Castiel wanted?

Castiel did want to see Dean on his knees for him, but he wanted Dean to want it too.

Slowly climbing the stairs, he listened for Dean but didn't hear anything. He started to go toward the bedroom, but decided to go ahead and take a quick shower before their talk. He started the shower and quickly undressed. He was glad that he had started keeping a small basket with pajama bottoms and a couple of soft t-shirts in his bathroom closet so he would have something to put on once he got out of the shower. He smiled when he opened the closet because beside his basket was Dean's own basket. He never wanted his sub to feel uncomfortable. Once Dean was comfortable being nude around Castiel then they may talk about clothing being optional while at home during certain times. If Dean was ok with it.

Which was why this talk was so important.

Castiel refused to go any further with Dean until he knew his hard limits. He should never had put a hand on Dean to begin with without knowing those limits, but what was done was done. Now, moving forward Castiel wanted to ensure he did nothing to trigger Dean.

Thinking about moving forward with Dean had him hard...eager for attention. Castiel had been careful not to lose control while with Dean. He wanted every encounter to be about Dean. He wanted to bring pleasure to Dean, and it was evident that the sub was touch starved. He made some of the most wonderful sounds when Castiel had his hand wrapped around him stroking him to completion. Castiel always waited for his shower to relieve his own aching erection as he stroked himself always thinking about Dean.

Looking down at himself, he decided against getting off tonight. For one thing, he didn't want to make Dean wait any longer than necessary. He was probably anxious anyway. He blasted the cold water for a couple of minutes and that seemed to do the trick. For now…

He grabbed a fluffy towel, dried off quickly, and dressed as quickly as possible. He ran his fingers through his damp hair, brushed his teeth, and stepped out of the bathroom. His bedroom was still silent as he made his way toward the door. He wondered if maybe Dean had fallen asleep waiting on him.

Castiel rounded the corner and stopped in his tracks as he entered the bedroom.

His beautiful sub was kneeling.

Dean was on his knees with them spread wide enough for him to be comfortable. His eyes were closed and head slightly bowed. His hands gave away how anxious he was though, as they were clenched on his thighs. Castiel also noticed that his breathing was very controlled. He stared for a full minute at a loss as what to do.

He suddenly needed to touch Dean...to reassure him that he was safe. He walked silently toward Dean. When he was standing directly in front of Dean, he finally spoke. "Dean, you are so beautiful." Castiel crouched down in front of Dean. "Dean, can you please look at me?"

Dean shook his head slightly. Like a little child afraid to open their eyes…

Castiel tried a different tactic. "Dean, I want you to open your eyes and look at me." Dean took a deep breath and did as he was told. "There you are." Castiel raised his right hand to Dean's cheek and his thumb smoothed over Dean's bottom lip. He was still amazed at the connection that they shared, and he could feel the fear Dean was desperately trying to hold back. He could feel the panic that was wanting to surface but his sub was a fighter and he was fighting back that panic with everything in him.

"All we are going to do is talk. Unless you would like a reward for being so good for me tonight?" Castiel lowered himself to his knees as well. Dean's eyes widened as he realized what he was doing, but he didn't comment. "I have been trying to think of the best way to do this. I love pleasing you, Dean, but I don't want to do anything that will trigger you. So tonight, I am going to ask you a few questions. Answer them honestly. Then I am going to give you a packet with a list on it. I want you to complete that list tomorrow. Any questions?"

Dean swallowed nervously. "What...what is the list, Sir?"

Castiel knew that was coming. "Well, it is a very thorough list that I want you to go through carefully. Answer each honestly. I will only be upset if you lie. If you like something, circle it. If you, don't like it then mark it out. If it is something you are unsure about or don't know then put a question mark beside it. We have to establish limits before we go any further. OK?"

Dean nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Castiel smiled. "That's my good boy." Dean's eyes closed with the praise. Castiel knew then that he would seize every opportunity to praise Dean because it was so obvious that he was just as starved for praise as he was touch.

"Dean, usually...um...are you completely ok with the way I have been touching you?"

"Yes, Sir." Dean was turning a nice shade of pink that somehow made his freckles stand out even brighter.

"Would it be ok to continue touching you the way I have been?" Again Dean said yes as he nodded.

"Can you tell me one thing that you know you like for a Dom to do for you?" Dean appeared panicked for some reason. "Just one thing, Dean. Doesn't matter what it is. The point is communication and we have to start somewhere."

"I...I don't know, Sir." Dean was looking frustrated. Castiel tried to keep the frown from his face. Dean couldn't name anything he liked?

"Ok. Let me see. You like it when I touch you." Dean nodded again. "I believe it is safe to say that you like cuddles." A simple nod again. Castiel could tell this was going to be difficult. He was glad that he had prepared the list. Maybe that would be better to use since Dean was having a difficult time talking about what he liked. At this point, Castiel was trying to avoid asking what Dean didn't like.

"Then I would like to try something different since talking is...difficult for you." Castiel could see a flicker of uncertainty cross over Dean's face. Castiel framed Dean's face with his hands, and suddenly he was struck with just how much his sub needed and craved attention. He watched in fascination as Dean's eyes fluttered closed and was somewhat amused by how Dean seemed to struggle with which way to lean his head to gain the maximum amount of touch. Castiel decided in that moment what he was going to do tonight. It was different that his original plan, but this just felt right.

Maybe this is what they mean when they say a good Dom knows just what their sub needs.

"Dean, listen carefully. Open your eyes and look at me." Castiel smiled gently at him when those green eyes that were glistening with vulnerability looked at him. "I am not going to bother asking if you trust me; but I am earning it slowly. I promise you that I will not do anything tonight without your permission first. I know I said we were just going to talk, but I will let you know exactly everything I am going to do before I do it. If you don't want me to do it, then I want you to tell me and I will stop immediately. I promise I will not get upset. Understand?" Dean nodded and said quietly that he did. "Good boy. Now, I need to go grab a few things. While I am gone, I want you to undress and lay down on your stomach on the bed. I will be right back."

Castiel stood up and walked out. He headed toward the bathroom to gather the supplies he needed. He felt himself hurry, but took a deep breath and slowed down. He wanted to give Dean time to undress, but not so much time that he would lay there and worry. He decided to go to his office and print off the list of items he wanted Dean to go over. Once that was complete, he went back to his room and was greeted by a glorious sight.

Dean was naked and laying across the bed. Castiel could see the tension in Dean's shoulders, in his whole body really, but he hoped that his plan would work that tension out. He was glad that the blanket on his bed was old and needed to be replaced.

"Dean? I am going to give you a massage. Do you like massages?"

"I don't know, Sir. I've never had one before."

Castiel was a little startled by that, but decided that maybe it wasn't all that unusual. "Well, Dean. I believe you will really enjoy this...and if you do, there will be many more in your future. Now, I am going to start by lightly touching you and then gradually increase pressure as I massage you. At any point you want me to stop, you just let me know. OK?" Castiel kneeled on the bed beside Dean. and opened the lavender scented massage oil and warmed a generous amount in his hands before he began to lightly spread the oil over Dean's back. He kept his touch light for now.

He marveled over all the freckles on Dean's shoulders. Dean's skin was soft and warm, and Castiel ran his hands over Dean's back making sure to touch every part. He ran his hands up his right side and over his right shoulder before performing the same light touches to his right arm. Once he had touched every part of Dean's right arm, he went back over his back before moving over to Dean's left side. He had to straddle Dean's thighs, but the sub seemed so relaxed now that he didn't even seem to notice that Castiel was on him. Dean whimpered for time to time and that in combination with the massage and Dean being naked had Castiel hard. If Dean noticed Castiel's hardness on his backside, he didn't say anything.

Castiel slid down Dean's legs as he allowed his hands to lightly glide over Dean's perfectly shaped ass. He spread Dean's cheeks apart and had a perfect view of his little pink hole before he allowed his hands to travel on to Dean's thighs. Dean had beautiful legs. They were bowed and Castiel couldn't wait to know how they would feel wrapped around him as he slipped in and out of Dean's tight heat.

Castiel decided this was torture for him. He was torturing himself, but he would continue to do this as long as Dean needed. He was determined to win Dean's trust, and rushing the sub into a sexual relationship before he was ready definitely would not help. Well, giving a naked sub a massage could be seen as foreplay but that was just it. Earning Dean's trust was going to be like one long torturous session of foreplay that Castiel was sure was going to end in fireworks. The best kind of fireworks.

Castiel continued down to Dean's feet. He smiled as he realized his sub was ticklish on his feet. He was such as sweet boy and Castiel couldn't believe he was his. He gently moved off of Dean and guided the sub onto his back. Dean turned over without any hesitation and Castiel took that as a good sign. This time he started at his feet and moved up purposely avoiding Dean's obvious erection. He looked so achingly hard but Castiel was going to attend to that last.

Castiel lightly rubbed over Dean's arms and gently massaged his stomach. When he got to Dean's chest, he lightly thumbed over his nipples and was rewarded with a slight whimper from Dean. "Do you like it when I touch you there?"

Dean nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Castiel kept lightly rubbing over his nipples and watching as Dean began to squirm beneath him trying to get friction for his aching cock. Castiel was straddling Dean's thighs and the sight of Dean beneath him trying to lay still but struggling for release was breathtaking. "Dean?" When Dean looked at him with such longing, Castiel felt his own dick jump, but this was for Dean. "May I touch you? I want to see you and watch you as you come."

Dean nodded. "Oh, god...please...Yes, Sir. Please."

"Dean, I am going to touch you now. Don't hold back those pretty noises. I want to hear you." Castiel moved to rest between Dean's legs. Dean gasped loudly when he lightly grabbed his cock. Castiel set a pretty slow pace and watched as Dean struggled with being still when he clearly wanted to fuck up into Castiel's fist. He increased the speed of his hand and Dean was moaning and whimpering desperately now. "Please...I need...please. Let me come, Sir. Please."

"Dean, you are so beautiful like this." Dean let out a long keening sound, and Castiel stopped. Castiel used both hands to create a tight vice around Dean's cock. Dean's eyes were screwed tightly shut. "Dean, use my hands and get yourself off. I want to watch you." Dean began to move slowly at first, like he was testing it out. Gradually his hips began to piston faster and faster as he chased the orgasm that was building inside him. Castiel watched as Dean's balls drew up tight. "Come for me, Dean. Let go, and come."

Dean fucked up into Castiel's hands before shuddering through his release. Once he was done, Dean relaxed back against his pillow breathing heavily.

Castiel moved away to grab something to clean Dean up with before cuddling with him in the bed for the night. He was still so hard he could pound nails, but his release could wait. He felt Dean grab his wrist as he began to move away. "I will be right back..."

"I...I know. I just...thought." Dean shook his head like he was clearing his head. "I just thought I could. Should. You know. Return the favor. I...want to return the favor. If you want..."

Castiel stared down at Dean in shock for a moment before he nodded. "Lay back, Dean." Castiel removed his clothing, and straddled Dean again except this time his hardness was next to Dean's soft and spent cock. Dean hesitantly touched Castiel, and he had to think about his bees for a moment to keep from exploding at the contact. Dean began pumping his fist up and down Castiel's shaft. Castiel moved his hand to join Dean's as he showed him the pace and pressure that he liked. Castiel would have liked to have lasted longer, and after only a short time his release exploded onto Dean's stomach and chest as he marked his sub with his come.

Castiel grabbed his shirt and wiped them off rather messily before laying down wrapping Dean up in his arms. He kissed Dean on the crown of his head, and listened for his sub's even breathing signaling his slumber before drifting off happily asleep as well.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Sorry it has been a while since I have posted. Just know that this fic is near and dear to my heart and I would never abandon it. I have just been working two jobs and time management has always been a challenge for me. I have to sleep sometime. :)
> 
> Now, let me just say that I Struggled, with a Capital S, with this chapter. Honestly, I wasn't sure the best way to go about it. It felt too tedious to have Dean go through the entire list so I opted to go about it the way I did after much thought and deleting and starting over. Hopefully, you all like how I approached it because dang it this chapter was hard to write for me because I stress over how you guys are going to like it. Also, I'm not ready to leave the angst behind but I do like to balance it with fluff and feels. So I really hope you all are happy with this latest chapter. :)
> 
> Oh, and just a little note. This is unedited so mistakes are my own. Hopefully, there are very few of those. Thanks for all the kudos and faves. Every one make my heart smile!

Chapter 11 Revelations and Epiphanies

 

Dean sat at the desk in his room and read through the list. He felt himself panic a little as he thought about the listed items. He didn't know what he liked. He didn't know what his kinks were because he had been forced to endure Michael's kinks. Michael's torture was specific and he could definitely mark through some things on the list as a hard limit, but as for the other stuff...

Dean got up and started pacing. This was so fucked up. He hasn't had a normal sexual relationship. Except with Cas, but that was just handjobs, which he loved. He wasn't sure of anything he liked. He thought back to his fantasies as a teen. Before Michael. After presenting as a sub, he knew that there were just some things that naturally came with being a sub. He pulled at his hair as he thought back to those fantasies of being tied down unable to move. Oh, how he used to dream about begging his Dom to come. Unfortunately those dreams became such a reality that they turned into nightmares.

Cas was gone for the day to run some errands, so Dean came up with a plan. He locked all the doors, and gathered some supplies. His hands shook as he trembled with what he was about to do. He looked at the list and made a decision. He didn't really know any other way to figure this out.

He stripped all his clothes off and laid down on the bed. He wasn't hard yet so that was good. He wasn't going to allow himself to touch himself. Not yet, anyway. He started with the first item on the list and made his way through the list. He imagined himself with Cas as he imagained each item. He marked through the items that made cringe. Those were definite triggers. As of right now he knew he didn't want to be a part of anything that would remind him of being in the Pit. Being blindfolded would definitely do that.

Strangely though, when he got to the part about orgasm delay/denial, c-rings, and cock cages his cock began to swell when he thought about Cas telling him to orgasm. Getting that permission from Cas was like the best feeling ever. Almost as good as the orgasm itself. So far, Cas hadn't denied him. He thought about that for a moment. He thought about having to wear the cock cage for Cas. He had hated that thing with Michael, but somehow thinking about Cas putting it on him and commanding him to wear it for a week made his cock weep. His hips stuttered upwards searching for friction that it wasn't going to find. Dean refused to touch himself. Not yet anyway. He thought about how heavy his balls would feel being unable to come for a week but somehow he knew that Cas would take care of him. He imagined Cas milking him with the cage on. He imagined Cas taking the cage off of him and stroking his cock so slowly and Dean almost came untouched right at that moment.

While his breathing evened out, Dean wondered what in the hell he was doing? He looked at his hard on as if it was the enemy. Traitorous Dick. That was what it was. How could he have gotten so lost in that fantasy when the cage was something he had grown to despise? Was he that fucked up that the things he hated with Michael would now somehow become his greatest kinks? He thought about what Michael had made him do. How he had set Dean up for failure each and every time he had Dean touch himself. He thought about Cas and imagined him sitting across the room from Dean at that moment. He thought about Cas commanding him to touch himself slowly at first and then telling him to speed up. Dean humped the air again as he imagined his hand on his cock stroking it for Cas. Only for Cas. He imagined looking into those blue eyes as Cas told him to wait for permission even as he begged for Cas to allow him to come. Dean wanted to touch himself but knew that if he did it would be over. He would come and that wasn't the point to this little exercise.

He fisted the covers on the bed as he imagined those warm blue eyes telling him to stop. Tears leaked from his eyes as he forced his hips to stop moving because his fantasy Cas had demanded it. He wanted to come so badly. He just needed to hear those words come from his Dom's mouth. But it wasn't time. Not yet.

He thought about bondage and being completely at Cas' mercy and discovered that it wasn't as bad as he thought it might be. However, his flagging erection told him that it was probably something that would have to be revisited in the future.  
The items like vibrators and butt plugs intrigued him but he had no experience with those so he wasn't sure. Thank God that Michael didn't ruin everything for him. He just had to figure out how to explain to Cas how unexperienced he was in this area. Well, with anything having to do with his ass. His dick must have liked the prospect of having something up his ass because it was standing at attention again.

He moved quickly through the list. He felt guilty that his fucked up brain aparently liked some things that he would have sworn Michael had ruined for him, but maybe it was because Cas was different.  
Punishment and discipline. Well, he had enough of that with Michael to last a lifetime. He knew it would be inevitable that he would need to be punished by Cas. He just didn't want to do anything to fuck up and was afraid that he would. He definitely marked through ice. His dick went completely soft the second he read the word ice. Michael had figured that out too. It was like Dean's dick was like Pavlov's dog. The second Michael brought out the ice, his dick would soften and his balls would shrink up. Michael was still and ass though and made him ice his privates anyway before putting him back in the cage.

Dean shook away the image and thought about spankings. Being put over Cas' knees and spanked. Being bent over the bed and spanked with a belt. That didn't seem too bad. Better than being tossed in the Pit. Corner time and write offs were also listed. He could handle that, but he marked through cold showers. That had the same effect as the ice.

He put the list down on the bedside table and thought about everything he had just read and fantasized about in regards to Cas. His mind kept going back to Cas watching Dean masturbate, so he settled on that one. He began to lose himself in the fantasy again. Dean began stroking himself for real this time. He sobbed with relief as his hand touched his cock for the first time since he began this. He wished it was Cas' hand, but he imagined Cas giving him instructions on how fast to move his hand up and down. He even imagined him telling him to stop a few times and remove his hand completely.

After what seemed like an eternity, Dean began pleading for Cas to allow him to come. Dean was so caught up in his fantasy he didn't realize that he was begging aloud. Cas just kept telling him to wait and he was sobbing now with frustration. He wanted to be good. He wanted to be so good for Cas, but he wasn't sure if he could. Begging Cas for release he kept pumping his hand up and down frantic for relief. That was when he felt it.

A hand ghosted through his hair and Dean looked up into Cas' beautiful blue eyes. His hand stuttered before moving faster. He begged Cas one more time. "Please!" He was incoherantly babbling now as he begged. Cas continued to look in his eyes as he commanded him in the most Dom voice Dean had ever heard from him..."Come for me, Dean."

Dean screamed as come shot out and over his hand onto his stomach and chest. He was so relaxed, but it didn't last long because his eyes opened to look directly into Cas' blue gaze.  
He was so fucked.

***  
Cas laid down beside Dean after gently cleaning him. Dean was the most beautiful man he had ever seen and to come home early and find him like this was pure heaven. Dean dozed and Cas decided to make him a sandwich and a glass of juice. When Dean opened his eyes after Cas sat the tray down on the desk, he could see the panic in Dean's face. "That was beautiful, Dean."

Dean shook his head as his eyes teared up. He angrily swiped his hand across his eyes as they threatened to spill. "You don't know what I have done. To myself. What I haven't done. I shouldn't like what I liked."  
Cas' heart ached for his sub. Maybe he should have waited on the list afterall, but Dean was finally talking to him. "Dean, it is ok to like what you like."

"You don't understand. I just got off to you doing the same exact thing that Michael made me do repeatedly. The only difference was that I know you don't have a Pit." Dean shook his head and turned over to face away from Cas.

The Pit. "Dean, I think it is time you tell me about the Pit. And Michael." When Dean began to shake his head, Cas crawled into the bed behind Dean. He wrapped him up in his arms tightly. "Dean, nothing you say will change how I feel about you. Nothing. You are my sub. You are my soulmate. I will take care of you from now on. Michael will never hurt you again, but I can't protect you if I don't know what you went through. So, I..." Cas hated himself for what he was about to say, but it was apparently the only way Dean was going to open up. Cas allowed his voice to go deeper than it was normally as he slipped a little Dom into his voice. "I am no longer asking you to tell me what happened. I am telling you that we aren't leaving this bed until I know what I need to know to protect you. Am I clear?" Dean slightly nodded as he also whispered, "Yes, Sir."

Cas hung on tightly to Dean as he listened to the heartbreaking reality that his sub lived through before escaping back to Lawrence. It was like a dam had been destroyed and water was flooding through. Cas never interrupted. He didn't ask questions. He just listened as Dean sobbed out the entire story.

Cas closed his eyes as Dean's sobs finally slowed down to hiccups. Dean's breathing evened out as Cas plotted out his revenge on Michael if the Dom ever found himself unfortunate enough to be in Lawrence or cross their paths otherwise.  
Cas eased out of bed, which was a feat considering how tightly wound up he was right now. He just wanted to smite something. Snap Michael out of existence. Just beat the hell out of him. He had to get this out of his system before Dean woke up. He walked down to the basement. There was a punching bag down there somewhere. Once he found it, he hung it up and began to beat the living daylights out of the thing.

After he was tired from fighting an imaginary Michael. He climbed the staires. Once he was upstairs, he took a shower and washed off. His sweat and frustration washed off down the drain and all he felt was grief and sadness. He leaned his forehead onto the shower tiles and cried silently for his beautiful soulmate. His strong beautiful sub was amazing and Cas would spend the rest of his life making sure Dean was happy.

Cas dried off and slipped back into the the bed with Dean after pulling on some pajamas. His thoughts were swirling around, and he couldn't focus on one thing. It was like revelations and epiphanies were all right on the edge of his consciousness but it was so...overwhelming that he couldn't get a hold on a single thought. The enormity of what his sub had endured...was too much for Cas to even comprehend. He knew that some Doms treated subs as if they were their own personal slaves and even sex slaves. The abuse that some have to endure is heartbreaking, but Dean's...why would a Dom treat a sub the way that Dean had been treated? What Dean had suffered was torture. It went beyond abuse. It was psychological abuse and brainwashing and...it was just too much to even think about. No wonder Dean was such a mess. Cas closed his eyes on the guilt he suddently felt at forcing Dean to talk to him. How in the hell was Dean even allowing Cas to be close to him?

  
Cas kissed the back of Dean's head and inhaled the soft scent of apple. He smiled sadly as he thought about Dean showering using Cas' toiletries. He would ask Dean if there was a specific brand that he would like to have. Any specific brands of anything, really. More now than ever he understood why it was so important to encourage Dean to make some choices on his own.

He moved slightly and caught sight of the list he had given Dean. Before Dean ended his life story up until this point, he had told Cas that he didn't know how to respond to the various items on the list. Dean said that he knew he couldn't be confined or put in dark places or any variation of either. Most everything else was going to have to be learned through trial and error since he had no experience.

Just like that everything swooped out of Cas' mind and left one resounding thought bouncing around his mind as he raised up on one elbow and looked at his sleeping sub in disbelief. Cas had been so focused on the horror's of what Dean had went through that it just now hit him what Dean implied but never just come right out and said. Well, he has said it, but it just now clicked what Dean meant when he said that he did everything to himself.

  
All at once, Cas' tears returned and blurred his vision as his emotions bounced around all over the place unable to settle on just one. Cas did have one emotion that was standing out above the others, and it was purely selfish of him to even have it. Relief and possessiveness. Dean was his sub, and no one but him will ever touch him. Just like no one but him ever has. With the exception of that Rhonda girl that Dean did tell him about as a side note. She may have made Dean try on some of her pretty panties, but according to Dean nothing came from it because her parents came home. They had to dress quickly and Dean didn't have time to change out of her panties. He had said he walked home in them only to have to help his mom with dinner once there. Dean apparently liked wearing them so much that he wondered if that was when he really should have realized he was going to present as a sub.

Cas' arms tightened around his sub as he decided that they would just have to take it one day, one scene, at a time. His last thought before dozing off was that they would just have to figure it out together.


	12. Chapter 12

Ok so i can't believe it has been this long since i posted! 

I am so sorry that I have let this go this long. Honestly, I have been dealing with so much crap that i haven't had much time to write. I even dropped my laptop and shattered my screen. So yeah. That will depress anyone. I tried writing a chapter on my phone but it just didnt work out. I also want to be able to use my thumbs without my hand cramping up if i live to be 90. 

With saying all this, i plan to get back on track. Thanks for the support, kudos, and comments. And thanks for reading and waiting patiently while i get my life together. <3


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